When temps reached the early 60s last week I immediately went thru my closet and pulled out all my winter clothes to put away for yet another year. It felt good. But what feels better is the emotional spring cleaning that you can't help but do when this time of year rolls around. Now while winter is really mild here (with the exception of 3 weeks, the temps were in the 50s for most of the winter), it's still in a sense a time of year where we are hibernating, at least that's how I would consider it at home. And so while we haven't hibernated like we would at home, there is a buildup of energy that has been waiting til spring to come out.
This past week had a few days that were a little bit rough for me but made me realize it's time to get rid of the winter "baggage" and do a little spring cleaning emotionally as well. It's time to start fresh. So on that note, I don't have these in any particular order but felt like I needed to get this baggage out there and none of these topics really needed their own blog entry so here is my mish-mash of stuff going on these days:
- When we first moved to Barcelona, every decision felt like a huge milestone. This is no longer the case and life has for, some time now, gone back to "normal". And therefore as I've mentioned before, the time has come to up the ante a bit. The ante in this case shall be taking more risks with my Spanish and trying to methods to teach myself this language. It will also be the challenge of getting my drivers license here (my US license won't transfer here). By putting this up on the blog, I feel like I actually need to follow thru with my license. It may not happen til fall depending on the driving school calendar vs my calendar, but it's a 2012 goal.
- Tentative decisions have been made regarding our time in Barcelona. I didn't realize how much I was obsessing on a daily basis about what our future held until Josh and I actually had a conversation about what we both want. And while no contracts have been negotiated or announcements made, just knowing that Josh and I are on the same page has helped to eliminate the constant in limbo feeling that I've been living with. My feet feel more firmly planted on the ground and that's a good feeling and by no longer obsessing about our long term plans, it frees my mind and energy to focus on other, more important things... life.
- Liam was home sick both on Friday and Monday. And not just a little sick, but super pukey sick. And of course, Josh was out of the country for most of those days for work. This was rather frustrating for me, but something I need to come to terms with as far as Josh and work. Josh works incredibly hard and always has. We've known at some point during our time here that he would need to increase his travel schedule which we have been really lucky with til now. Until recent months he did very little travel compared to many of my friends' husbands who travel often weekly. But knowing he's going to be travelling most likely once a month is a little daunting and at the same time, a little thrilling - there are days I miss the challenge of doing it all like I did at home (these are really just little moments, I like that he helps out here so Josh, please don't stop!). Josh pulls his weight here with our household a whole lot more than he did in the US and believe me, I'm super thankful for that extra help. It's not like I'm not used to managing the household and kids on my own, I am. But in a way I've gotten a little too used to that help and tend to slack off a little bit on my own household duties. So when he's gone, I step things up a little bit. But I kind of liked that stepping up to only be once every 2 months or so...this once a month thing might be too much!!!
- With Liam home 2 unplanned days this past week, I realized that while I've become much less rigid with the structure in my life, by living here than I was in the US, there will always be that residual stick up my ass rigid mentality lurking somewhere. Him being home threw me off so completely. And it's not that I didn't enjoy our time together, I did. But I just felt off center by him being here when he should be in school, my routine just felt strange with him participating with me.
- I've gone to the gym on a regular basis since I had Liam almost 5 years ago. I stopped right before we moved to Barcelona and then started up again when Liam started school in the fall of 2010 (so we are talking a good year of nothing but walking for exercise). I work hard when I go but could always work harder. For a while there all I was doing was running. Then Sue had her AVM and I was barely even doing that since I lacked all motivation since she was my motivation... but I've rebounded and so has she. I've been going 4-5 days a week, training once a week and doing more than just running. And it's showing (finally!)... I'm down 7 lbs to my goal weight (and no I won't share that number with you!) and am actually looking forward to bathing suit season this year!!!!
- I've got a few upcoming trips planned though I need to work on a few more for the summer and end of the year which I have done nothing so far on. I'm heading to Sevilla with a few girlfriends in the middle of March. With no kids, no husband and just a plan to relax (i.e. SPA!) and see the sights, it's going to be a fun filled 3 days with my girls.
- The day after I get back from my mid week sojourn to Sevilla, my cousin Meghan is coming to visit. I'm super excited about her visit and can't wait to catch up with her for the week. I've got so start making plans for us as well!!!! So far the car has been rented for our daytrip to France - can't wait!!!
- I'm still struggling with work lately. I don't know what it is. I love my clients but the passion for the job is lacking. I'm still doing what needs to be done but also trying to make decisions about my career for the future - I have no plans to stop what I'm doing anytime soon but need to find a way to reinvent it or myself after close to almost 10 years of the same thing. I'll figure it out, but definitely need to give myself a kick in the pants.
- I'm mentally preparing for my goodbyes that are going to be coming up before I know it. I'm not emotionally there yet, but I'm accepting of it and it's really just a fact of life, one that's just enhanced by living an expat life.
- And while I'm sad for myself (but happy for them) about those that are leaving, I'm still making new friends all the time - and I'm no rush for this nor do I have a magic number of friends that I need to have, but it's comforting to know that as some leave, others will enter my life.