Raising the Bar

With Josh gone this week, I'm in single parent mode.  It's not something that thankfully I have to do very often unlike many of my expat friends.  However, it reminds me of our times when we lived in the States.  This is because at home, Josh wasn't there often and when he was, he didn't participate much in household duties.  I remember right before we moved, I was working, taking care of both kids, looking for renters for both of our houses, school applications, reconstruction of one house, packing, and the list goes on and on.  Josh was... working.  It didn't feel fair.  But at the same time, I wasn't ready to release much control of my world to him either and so I couldn't exactly fault him for not doing the things I felt he should do but that I never actually asked him to do. 

However, I finally hit a point where I couldn't take one more item on my plate.  The move was overwhelming me beyond what I could handle.  So I asked very simply... "can you please make a school lunch?".  Well, today more than 2 years later he's still in charge of school lunch.  And he's recognized that being a parent and a part of this family means that while he works a gazillion hours a week, there is still responsibility at home.  He participates more in our lives and helps around the house more than before. 

And I've become accustomed to this help over the last two years.  Almost to the point where in a way I feel a bit lazy.  Yes, I still work, but I also socialize more here...and take Spanish classes (ok that's not a pleasurable part of my day so we can link that with household chores).  I'm still in charge of the kids the majority of the time like at home but they are home less hours than before and with Liam now in school full time, my day is my own for the first time in years.  My life is more relaxed, mas tranquila.  My days are busy, rarely do I have a day at home just by myself, but yet, I'm not overscheduled like I would be at home.  It took close to a year of the two that we've been here to feel like I can really slow my pace down and enjoy my time abroad and truly experience our lives here.  It's not in my personality to slow down and for me to get to the point where I can "relax" took a lot of back and forth in my mind - guilt for not doing enough but then thinking that I also deserve to take a few years in my life to live a life less chaotic.

But back to Josh being gone.  In a way, it's an adreneline rush for me.  Suddenly it's like my old life again.  I'm the one solely resonsible for the kids.  I now make the school lunches.  Laundry isn't getting done unless I do it, etc etc.  Yes,I know these are mundane things.  But at home, I'd have gone for a run at 5:45AM, showered, done the dishes, thrown in a load of laundry, made lunch for the kids, beds all made, kids bathed and dressed, brought Liam to day care, stopped at the dry cleaners on the way back and still make it to the bus stop to drop Aidan off by 8:30.  It was feeling a sense of accomplishment in my day before the day had truly begun.  And it was a rush to get my day started on a note of accomplishment.

I feel like I've had to pick up my pace again because I have to make up for his absence but it makes me realize that I've lost my overachieving edge that I had at home and I see this as both a good and bad thing. The rush of accomplishing 5 different tasks before we leave for the bus stop has been long gone but when Josh travels the old Julie peeks thru. It makes me realize that while I took time to adjust to my new life and to also take a step back to appreciate the life mas tranquila here, I have also let myself slack off where I normally wouldn't. The house, work, activities, our social calendar, etc. I'm at my best when I have a full plate. 

We've all had talks over the years about finding a good work/life balance.  It's hard, especially so for working moms (sorry dads, but you know it's true) who are expected to work and care for the kids and home.  I feel like I'm closer to finding this balance but not 100% there yet.  At home in the States, we live to work and it's not healthy for us.  We are driven by our jobs and they rule our lives.  We don't leave our blackberries behind when we go on vacation, we can't unplug from our lives and just take the time to smell the roses and enjoy our families.  There is always an activity or sports going on, birthday parties, lunches, dinners, we are overscheduled.  I remember having our calendar filled for 2 months in advance, all the time. 

I'm sure part of my lack of over scheduling is my much smaller social circle.  However, as far as work goes, the 6 hour time difference has played in my favor.  I can go to the gym in the morning and feel no guilt about not working all morning long or being in my office in time for my clients to be arriving in their offices.  I run my errands, maybe have lunch with a friend or perhaps do some work before my clients come in.  Regardless, I feel a freedom to my day that I didn't have at home.  But it's a freedom that makes me feel like my day is a little too... easy.  If I don't get to the dry cleaners, oh well, no big deal, it will still be there tomorrow.  It will get checked off on my list...eventually. 

So how do I raise the bar without compromising all that I have worked so hard to change?  Gone is the fast paced life where I forever felt like I was keeping up with the Joneses and felt the need to continuously be in motion.  I no longer want to have the exact same rapid fire, constant multi tasking life that I had at home, but it's definitely time to bring back some of those elements without compromising the genuine beauty of our lives here.  I enjoy the notion of now working to live instead of living to work.  This is our one life that we are getting - why would I spend all of it working and not enjoy what life has to offer?  But then, if I don't work, there's less money coming in and less that we can then do... it's a catch-22.  But there has to be a happy medium. 

Friends here for the most part don't work which allows for more social flexibility than I do at home where we all work.  This is a flexibility that may have gotten in the way of me doing a lot of my work and household responsibilities.  But when speaking to my best friend from home, she pointed out, why do I need my business to grow while I'm here, why can't I just maintain what I have and enjoy my time of "freedom" and then when I move back home, grow it then?  I'm not neglecting the clients I have now, I'm just not adding to my client list.  She made a good point!  I can still manage to live in both worlds and not feel so torn, too bad there are only 24 hours in a day though... it's still a tough balance.

So what next?  Well, I'm not really sure.  But taking the time to reflect back on the pros and cons of my life before and my life now certainly helps to put things in perspective.  I know what I don't want out of my life here.  Now it's time to figure out exactly what I do want and then formulate a plan of how to go after that.  Maybe raising the bar for me is just going out of my comfort zone more often here, maybe it's running that 10k that's been intimidating me, it's planning more things as a family and putting ourselves out there more, or maybe it's just taking more chances in my life.  Only time will tell.

Besos,
Julie

Kiss, Kiss

Americans as a whole are not super touchy feely people.  We like to have what Josh calls a "bubble" around us - we're always saying, "kids, stay in your bubble!".  Ok, that's more for when they are wrestling, but you get the idea.  As Americans, we like our individual space.  When you meet up with friends, women may hug each other and the men will shake hands and do a pat on the back.  But that's about it.  We aren't big kissers when it comes to our friends.  Though according to my research bff Wikipedia it is common in small immigrant communities in the US like in Miami and supposedly it's also common in New England because of the French Canadian influence (hmmmm... not seeing that in tight laced New England, are you?).  Whereas Europeans are "known" for their double cheek kiss. 

Now that I've been living in Europe for the last two years, I've become accoustomed to the "kiss, kiss" on the cheeks and am cool with opening up my bubble to be accepting of it and enjoy it.  It's a part of the culture and I want to blend in as much as this pale red headed American can possibly blend in. Even Liam automatically does it now (and it is so damn adorable too!).  However, being American, it doesn't come naturally to me, especially when it comes to doing it with another American, resulting in many a kiss faux pas over the years.  Questions going thru my head like "ok, is this person expecting a double cheek kiss or do I go in for a hug?" And when you go in for the hug and the person is expecting a kiss or vice versa, it's just an awkward mess.  Do you preface with saying "kiss, kiss" in order to avoid the miss?  Time and time again, I've messed this one up.  I've still got a few years left here, I'm sure I'll mess it up again as well.

So where did this custom originate from?  Well, I don't know.  And apparently my google-fu isn't good enough because I couldn't find any information about it, though apparently there is a Yahoo group that is dedicated to the European kiss (but I couldn't access it without a yahoo account and don't these people have jobs to go to, who has time to create a yahoo group about European kissing?).  And why don't we do it in the US?  I asked a local friend about some of the customs and also checked with my friend "wikipedia" to find out some answers to this very perplexing question.

From what I can tell with the little bit of information that is out there, as far as why we don't do this in the US, it's just the culture.  We're a bit stuffy when it comes to touching.  We like our personal space.  There are some countries that are very tactile and some that aren't.  I actually found a list of countries and it had two columns:  Touch and Don't Touch.  Spain was listed under Touch and the US under Don't Touch.  The US just is and always has been a very hands-off culture.  I'm sure it has to do with the Puritans somewhere along the line.  And given that the UK has the same reputation, I'm going to go out on a limb and say that it's just been a culture passed down since before the time of the Pilgrims and then brought to the US.   

As far as meaning, the cheek kiss can mean several things - hello, goodbye, congratulations, showing respect and showing a romantic interested in the other person.  It's common in most (but not all) of Europe, the Middle East and Latin America...not so common in the US, English speaking Canada (but is common in French parts of Canada) and Northern Europe.  So does this mean if you are a natural born English speaker that you are immediately designated to be hugger and not a kisser?  Hmmm... interesting... In Southern Europe, which is where I live, it is more common between friends and acquaintances but less common with colleagues. Kissing tends to be male-female and female-female.  It's not that often that it's male-male but it does happen. 

You always kiss the right cheek first with either your lip or touch cheek to cheek.  Kind of like when we hug at home, we always lean to the recipient's right.  In Italy and Spain it's 2 kisses whereas in Belgium it is just one.  Each country has it's own traditions as to how many and on which cheek - In Russia, Bosnia, the Netherlands and Egypt, the norm is 3 times.  Interestingly in Oman, it's the norm that after men shake hands they kiss each other on the nose (hmmmm...).  For the French, it depends on the region - anywhere from 1 to 4 kisses is the norm depending on where you are. 

So how do you know if you should or should not do the kiss, kiss?  Even two years in, I'm still not 100% sure of when you should and shouldn't do a kiss.  So I put together a list of questions that I asked a local friend about in case any of you are curious or just want to avoid the social awkwardness that is a missed kiss as I have many times.

1.  Is it when you first see each other and when you leave? Yes, if you are friends with them, you automatically do a double cheek kiss. 

2.  Do you do it only with those you know well or is it with anyone including those you've just met?  If it is someone you just met you usually don't do a kiss, but it's something you just have to gauge when meeting them.  Do they seem really friendly or do they seem to be a bit more cautious?  If they seem friendly you can do the double kiss upon a first meet but it's not necessary either and they shouldn't be insulted if you don't. 

3.  Is it under any and all circumstances or only in social situations?  For instance, Liam has a few friends who's dads work at the school.  Now at school I would never go up to them and do a kiss (or should I??) if I saw them on campus, but if I were to see them socially I would.  Is that correct or do you kiss no matter what?  Yes, you can kiss them even if they are at work.  They are friends and it is the norm here that even if you are working, it's ok to do this exchange. 

4.  And is it an insult if you don't kiss someone?  Do they thinking you are a kissing snob if you don't do it?  It is not considered an insult if you don't kiss upon your first meeting.  But if it is someone that you know relatively well and you don't do the kiss, it will be a bit on the awkward side.  So avoid this situation and go with the kiss always! 

5.  Is there anyone you shouldn't kiss?  The only times you wouldn't kiss someone is if perhaps you know they are from a culture that doesn't traditionally do a kiss.  Or if it's in the case of a formal business meeting.  You should not kiss your boss (hopefully that one's a given!).

So hopefully I have given everyone a little bit of insight into the "correct" way to function in European society and with this there will be less faux pas (especially by yours truly).  And from now on, when in Rome, I shall do as the Romans...and so I shall be signing off with kisses (in Spanish of course).

Besos,
Julie

Nostalgic

While I don't ache for home in the same wy I dd two years ago, there is always a part of me missing it every day, some days more intensely than others. I had an amazing week this week, probably one of my best in a while. Not that they've sucked lately, just that some weeks stand out more than others. And yet tonight, I miss home something awful.

It started off rough with me managing to injure both of my knees while running. Stupid, stupid. But I made a comeback and had a 4 and 5 mile run later in the week. Aidan had an awesome, beyond awesome, week at school which made my week. I had lunch with some of my best gals here and laughed til I cried. Liam started and loved jiu jitsu Date night tomorrow. The list goes on...

And so with such a great week behind me I can't help but wonder why I've been so nostalgic for home. I'm sure in part it comes from the decisions we will make in the next few months. Do we extend again or do we go home in a year and a half as planned? It's constantly on my mind. I have a few friends leaving this year which also makes me not so much pine for home, but makes me realize that life of an expat is one filled with constant transition. And tonight as Josh watched a movie, I flipped through old pics on my Facebook, specifically the ones from past girls weekends. one should never reminisce when you are already feeling homesick, you are just asking for the waterworks.

That ache of missing home returned once again. As I looked through those pics and thought about all the happy memories I have from home, it made me miss it and all of you even more. I think many days I live in denial and can in a sense "forget" all the good things from home. Maybe it's a defense mechanism so that I can move on and have a life here - I don't know. But whatever it is, I just want to shout out to all my gals as to how much I miss and love you.

You are my past, my present and my future. If it weren't for your love, support and quite often, laughter, I couldn't have done this. You've continued to include me in emails and conversations despite my physical absence. I know that you will be there when I get back, whenever that may be and it will be as though I never left - you are just those kind of friends.

And so I offer a few memories out there to my chicas.

Girls weekend - June 2009

Dinner at Frank's on Long Island... he even serenaded us and we had a guest appearance by a famous songwriter who's name for the moment escapes me.

Frank opening champagne for my birthday!

Yeah, we're super cool ;)

To keep this blog PC, I will not post the "other" picture of Lisa and I... it was ridiculously funny and for those of you who were there, you know what pic I'm talking about.

Long Island crew except LF who's taking the pic

Slumber party!

Girls weekend - October 2009

My chicas!!

Not 100% sure what Jeni was doing to Suzanne but it looked painful, alas we are all laughing our asses off!

The Crew

Michele to the HOT band leader of Fighting Fridays... "We're all married moms of 2"... Michele is banned from girls weekend henceforth...

Our Send Off Party - December 2009

Sue's "Lyme" bracelet from Germany

Michele, Sue and me

Lisa he is soooo fresh!!

And likewise, so is Rich

Random girl... it's not a party without someone random in the shots

Random guy #1!

Random guy #2!

Tracie looks like we may need to cut her off!

Random girl #2!

Random guy #3... perhaps we should also cut off Lisa...

Girls weekend - October 2010

Lisa and I with Barnacle Bill... Also known as Random Guy as I believe he was the only Random guy that night...

The dancing cage in the background at the chinese food restaurant!

This was right before I accidentally stole that shirt from JCrew... and yes, I returned it...

Team Scratch... we sucked...

I LOVE YOU GUYS!!!!!  And I miss you mucho!!

Besos!

Julie

Poco a Poco

Little by little.  It's a phrase that I hear quite often here.  Whenever I start a conversation in Spanish I often precede it with, please forgive me, my Spanish is very bad (lo siento, mi espanol es muy malo - probably not even saying that correctly) and the response is often "poco a poco".  I feel like it's a phrase that has become the core of my life abroad... poco a poco.  Relax, little by little, it will happen. 

The people here are very patient with those who don't speak Spanish fluently - at least they see you attempting to speak the language, no matter how much it's butchered.  It's the effort that counts and there is no doubt, I always make an effort.  And so based on that, once again I have enrolled in Spanish class.  I was incredibly tempted to convince my friend Gina that we should just go for information and not really go to class but my conscience won out and of course, we went to class.  After all there will be no poco a poco without some effort on my end.

But poco a poco doesn't just reference my ability to speak Spanish which is coming along, albeit slowly.  It's also about the way our lives are progressing.  Poco a poco... little by little.  Every day, things get a little bit easier.  The challenges that we used to face seem easy now when we reflect back even though at the time they were difficult and overwhelming.  Poco a poco we have immersed ourselves into a new life, a new culture and a new language - something that will have an impact on our lives going forward.

And it's not just progress in acclimating to life in a new country which yes, after 2 years, we are still doing.  It's also about taking life a little slower.  Poco a poco - little by little, slow yourself down.  For instance, we don't do tennis lessons at 8AM on Saturdays anymore because the rest of our weekend has been overscheduled and let's just get it done and overwith early- that was our old mentality.  We have a nice lazy morning just hanging out with each other before we even head out to class, no rushing. And the class is now at 11 and then we go for a nice leisurely lunch just the four of us.   We spend more time together as a family and find that we aren't going at mach 6 to get things accomplished.  It will happen, poco a poco, or you know what, it might not get done at all... and that's ok.

We are checking things off our must see and do list - poco a poco.  We won't see everything in our time here, it's just not possible.  But poco a poco, we are making plans and checking things off.  Last year we travelled at least every six weeks if not more often depending on the time of year (the entire summer was spent on the road).  And we recognize that when travelling with children we won't see every single sight on our list, but we'll see the ones that are important to us and poco a poco, it will happen.  And if we are lucky, the kids might someday appreciate it too :)

Academically things are starting to happen for Aidan - poco a poco.  He really struggled there for a while and we were pretty concerned.  But this year, he's coming into his own.  He's just moved up a level in his Spanish class (at least that's my understanding), he's reading like a pro, he learned to ski last week, just earned his grey belt in jiu jitsu and goes back to tennis lessons this weekend after a month hiatus. It just shows that poco a poco, it will happen when they are ready and not a moment sooner.  Now if we could just get Liam out of pull ups at night, things would be perfect with the two of them... I know... poco a poco :)

We are trying to reorganize our lives, make it less cluttered.  We live in smaller space here and we have less material possessions.  Poco a poco we have learned to live with less and appreciate the things that we have here.  We have managed without a car for 2 years now and to survive and thrive in a large metropolitan city.  It hasn't happened overnight, but poco a poco, it has become home. 

It is said that you should take time in your life to smell the roses.  I agree... but life often time gets in the way of the opportunity to slow down.  And so I'm incredibly appreciative that we get the chance to take things here poco a poco and not just smell the roses, but to also watch them grow.

Julie

All Good Things Must Come to an End... Vacation is Over :(

All good things must come to an end.  It’s hard to believe that in the course of 3 weeks we have been to France, Switzerland and Germany to visit the Christmas markets, then flown back to Barcelona for 5 days for Christmas and then drove back up to France for 11 days to go skiing.  The time has flown by for sure.  But now is the time to get back into our grooves, the kids must go back to school and Josh and I to work.  I for one, have been neglecting my work and it’s not a good way to start off the new y ear, so I’m eager to get back and get ramped up for 2012.  I’m also eager to sleep in my own bed!

We skied a half day yesterday and the kids had another lesson.  It’s amazing how far the two of them have come in just a week.  Aidan has also become quite the daredevil, following Josh thru the woods and over hills that sneak up along the sides of some of the runs.  He’s also mastered the blue square run at La Quillane, something I have yet to do as well as him (though yes, I have skied down it several times).  Even Liam did the big green circle run, leaving his beginner slope – I’m so proud of him!  For some final videos of the boys, including one where Aidan is weaving in and out of the trees, see below.  There’s also one of Liam weaving in and out of the flags, not too bad for a 4 year old who’s been skiing for a week!

http://youtu.be/rk-nhmXa4ms (Liam skiing)

http://youtu.be/wbnHRpl-PAY (Aidan skiing thru the flags)

http://youtu.be/f_-z3M3NFNM (Aidan skiing along the green circle and thru the trees – a bit blurry)

http://youtu.be/I0Q079O6pvc (Liam skiing around the flags)

http://youtu.be/cGUgKjnwYI8 (Last video of Liam skiing)

Last night we went into Font Romeu for dinner and while we were picking up some treats for Josh’s co-workers I heard Aidan’s name being called.  How funny since it’s not exactly a common name in France or in Spain.  And lo and behold it was Aidan’s really good friend, Isa, who also happened to be in Font Romeu where she and her parents had been staying for the last 3 weeks.  We ended up going to a bar with them and sharing their King cake to celebrate Three Kings Day (which is today).  Aidan was beyond elated to have a friend to hang out with and it was nice for Josh and I to have some other adults to interact with and Kiki and Alfredo are just the nicest people. 

By the time we parted ways at 8:30, we decided to get a pizza to go.  The entire main street was pretty much shut down and we only managed to find one pizza place that was even open.  Considering we were only 2 hours away from Barcelona, it was like another world since most restaurants, including pizza places don’t even OPEN until 8:30 much less are they already closing!  But we got a pizza to go and brought it back to the chalet.  The kids were exhausted and didn’t eat much but it was worth it for them to be able to have a buddy to hang with and to just do something different for a little bit. 

Speaking of having a buddy, Josh and I have been talking that it might be more fun for Aidan, now that he’s a bit older, to have a friend come along occasionally when we go away.  He gets very frustrated with just us and Liam and it might be nice for him to have a friend.  So it’s something we’ll consider going forward depending on the trip location, length of trip, etc. 

As I write this, we were supposed to be skiing for one last day before heading back to reality tomorrow, but last night there were winds that seemed to rival a hurricane.  I always thought you couldn’t take the New England out of the girl, but apparently you can because I didn’t sleep a wink due to all the noise outside from the high winds.  Anyways, it was still very windy this morning with temps at zero and obviously a significant wind chill.  So we decided to cancel the boys’ last ski lesson, return our ski rentals and just chill out at the chalet for one last day.  We have been very lucky with the weather thus far, Josh compared it with spring skiing.  Sun most days and temps around 40.  So to have to cancel our last day really isn’t all that bad.

So this afternoon we talked about heading over to Les Angles which is probably where we will ski the next time we come up to this area.  It’s supposed to be a very cute town as well.  Tomorrow we will head back to Barcelona and to reality, at least til the next trip!

Julie

A Toast to 2 Years in Barcelona

Wow!!  Where did that time go?  I remember the day we left our house in Attleboro.  I had tears streaming down my face as we left our home, my heart heavy with grief of what we were leaving behind rather than the adventure that lay ahead.  Two years seemed like an impossibly long time to be away from home.

At first everything felt a bit surreal.  Like an extended vacation with 110 boxes of our belongings with us.  Learning to navigate the city, finding the school, finding the dry cleaner, even finding a muffin pan – all presented me with new challenges.  I had to learn to appreciate the small successes and cut myself some slack when those small challenges sometimes took significantly longer than they should have, at least according to my “old” life. 

I cried… a lot.  I won’t ever forget the time when Josh and I were sitting in the living room and I was watching Ina Garten on the Food Network made a chicken sandwich.  Josh said something to me, I don’t remember what… I was too busy crying.  He asked why I was crying (again) and my response was “all I want is a decent chicken sandwich!”.  He kindly offered to go get something for me but at that point I was too far gone in my grief.  I missed home something awful and nothing was going to change that, at least for now.

Josh and I had our first date night about 6 weeks after we moved here.  I remember thinking that finding a babysitter took me absolutely forever, but really, 6 weeks is not all that bad, especially given the circumstances and my very limited network of contacts to utilize.  Apparently I was taking for granted some of those things I was accomplishing.  Anyways, when out for our date night at our now favorite restaurant, Specchio Magico, Josh said “they’d like me to extend beyond 2 years”.  Are you fucking kidding me???  I can barely function on a day to day basis and you want me to stay longer?  I cried at the table right then and there.  That’s now our regular table and not one more tear has been shed there (and we’ve become friends with the owners as well).

Around 3 months in to our 2 year stint we were out to lunch with some friends.  They commented on my state of mind and it was then that I realized that I could either take this opportunity for the adventure that it is or I could wallow in my self pity for the next year and nine months.  I chose the former.   It was a turning point for me in what was to come.  I was not going to waste my time here just because life has presented me with new challenges in the form of a new country, city life, new language and new culture.  I was going to take the bull by the horns and take this chance for all it was worth.  A new, improved, risk taking Julie emerged from the shadows and hasn’t looked back.  I still know a few people here whom every time I see them ask how I’m holding up… yet it’s been a year and nine months since I made the choice to live a more positive life.  I know they are concerned, but really, all is good!

We still had a few bumps along the first six months, but then life at home I’m sure would have had a few different bumps – life would not be life if there were not things that challenged us every now and again.  A random snowstorm, Aidan getting lost on his way home from school, just trying to function… But with each milestone, 3 months, 6 months, a year, things seemed to take on a note of normalcy again.  Those little challenges for the most part became little again.  And those that were still hard or just not as simple and easy as they should have been (god I still miss Target!) got an ahhhh Spain moment and we moved on.

Moving to Barcelona presented Josh and I with a chance to have a better quality of life with our family.  A time for us to slow down and smell the roses if you must.  For the first 9 months we were here, Liam was home with me full time, something that we did not do at home.  I’d always had the kids home at least part time up til Aidan had started kindergarten that fall.  I was anxious about sending him to daycare here when he would start full time in the fall anyways.  Why add more transition to his or even to my plate right?  And because there was no part time option at his nursery school that fall, he would be starting off full time from that day until his high school graduation.  So I decided to seize the moment with him while I could.

Having Liam home with me actually helped me to explore the city more.  I didn't feel like a random woman just roaming the streets aimlessly.  I was a mom out exploring the nooks and crannies of a new city with her two year old son.  It was a challenge to balance work and maintaining my connections at home during the 3 hour nap time window but I felt like I had come this far, what was one more thing to balance in my life. 

Josh has always worked a lot of hours but moving here presented him with a much shorter commute meaning that he could leave the house much later in the morning and be able to spend time with the kids which I know he has enjoyed.  It’s also nice to have someone on my team to help get these guys out the door in the morning!  He still gets home around bedtime but just that extra time in the morning means the world to the boys and me.  And because we have a much smaller group of friends here, the weekends are truly family time.  I miss time with our friends at home as I know we all do, but we are also enjoying our time to spend together just the four of us.

When we moved to Barcelona we decided that we would live here without a car.  This city has great public transit and it would save us some significant money that could be used towards travel.  I didn’t realize how much I would enjoy living car free though at times it has presented me with having to get creative about getting kids to and from destinations/playdates, etc.  However, Josh likes to be what he calls a taxi-slut.  Liam is in the same boat as his daddy and often asks, why can’t we just take a taxi?  In the times I’ve gone home to the States or have had vacations where we’ve driven a lot, in a matter of days I miss all the walking I do on a day to day basis.  It feels good to be out in the fresh air every day and walking at least 2-3 miles on an average day.

But the travel opportunity was worth it to get the chance to travel all over Europe.  I remember for Josh’s birthday, just over 3 months after we moved here, we took the train to Sitges, a town about 30 minutes south of Barcelona.  It was a “huge” adventure for us to leave the city and a significant moment for us – we could leave the city and…. Survive!!  I know, it seems silly in hindsight, but it was a big deal for us to navigate the train system beyond the city and figure out where we needed to go.  It would set the stage for future travels.

We decided our first real travel adventure would be in-country in order to make it relatively easy.  Why that would be easier, I’m not sure.  Flying is flying.  And a foreign language is still foreign.  We went to Valencia with our goal being La Ciudad de las Artes y Sciencias.  The City of Arts and Sciences, also home to Europe’s largest aquarium.  The kids were excited to fly again and to have yet another new adventure.   And the aquarium was most definitely the best we’ve ever seen!

The next week we flew to Paris to go to Disney Paris.  In no way did it appear any way like Paris.  It was like being in Orlando (only significantly smaller) but in France.  The weather was cold and rainy but the kids had an absolute blast.  This one was for them – they had been troopers for the last 4 months and it was time to give them a pretty cool reward.  Again, this was just the beginning of all the places we would go as a family and the travel is one of the things I will miss someday when we return home.

The rest of the school year passed without incident.  Aidan really liked his class and his teachers.  I really liked the school and was happy with all the culture he was absorbing on a daily basis, there are children from 40 different countries that attend their school.  Plus being in private school meant that he would be getting more academic extras than he was in public school at home.  At home he was slated to have art for one half of the school year and gym/PE for the second half of the year.  Here at BFIS (Benjamin Franklin International School) he has PE, art and music twice a week each.  He also takes Spanish on a daily basis.  The school day is about an hour and a half longer than it was at home so the boys don’t get home from school til 5, it’s a long day for them!

Our first summer came quickly – hard to believe it was already 6 months since we’d arrived.  The boys both celebrated their first birthdays in Barcelona – Liam turned 3 and Aidan turned 6.  This was a time when we found that the expat community is different from our community at home because the moment the last day of school comes around, most people pick up and travel or go to their home countries for the majority of the summer.  It meant that I would have the kids for 3 months with very little interaction with other children until we would go home in August. 

That first summer was another chance at adventure though.  We had our first guests – Josh’s parents arrived at the same time as my best friend, Michelle.  Michelle has always been the perfect person for me to have adventures with and this one was no different.  We immediately embarked on things that we had not done before, things as simple as going over to Montjuic on the other side of the city.  It was so much easier having a partner in crime with which to take some “risks”.  With Josh’s parents here I was able to spend some quality time with Michelle without the kids which was nice as well.  One day Josh was off and his parents said, the three of us will take the kids, you and Michelle go do something.  So we rented a car and drove to France! 

It was my first experience renting a car in Europe, something for some odd reason both Josh and I had been intimidated by.  And yet again, found that we were letting a new culture and language get in the way of something that in the end was very simple.  So we did a day trip to France, it would be the first of many in the coming year and a half.  While Michelle was visiting, Josh and I would also go to France, but for us it would be Paris.  A romantic weekend away while she watched the boys for us.  And a big thanks for doing that for us!! 

But that first summer wasn’t over by a long shot.  We still had a family trip up north to Costa Brava and then the kids and I were going home to the States for the first time in 8 months.  We loved l’Estartit in Costa Brava and it was a perfect beach vacation.  Sadly while we were there we got word from our kennel that Sailor was very sick.  When we got back to Barcelona we made a trip to the vet where she was staying and had to make the very painful decision to put her to sleep.  She was just 8 ½ years old and we still miss her very much.  It was strange having to make significant medical decisions in a foreign country but just one more adjustment that we would make in the last 2 years.  We will bring Sailor’s remains home with us when we move back to the States so that she can be home again too (until then she resides on the top of my closet). 

At the beginning of August, the Walkers came to visit us on their way to embark on the Disney European cruise.  The boys were thrilled to have friends from home visiting them.  It was a smile that I hadn’t seen on Aidan’s face in a long time and the visit was too short, but just enough to make him realize that everything is ok – his friends are still his friends. 

I was anxious about bringing the kids home that first summer.  Not only was I going to have to do a transatlantic flight by myself with them, but I was worried about how they would react to the fact that this was just a visit and not permanent, at least not now.  While Liam had adjusted right away to life in Barcelona, I was concerned about bringing Aidan back to the States and having him regress back when we returned to Barcelona.  He had overall appeared to have adjusted well to life in Barcelona but was still resistant at times and we knew how much he missed (and still does) home.  We stayed with my parents which I think was a good idea – it gave them a chance to be home without the actual ties to our house.  I think it made it a little easier when it was time to go back, home… yes, home to Barcelona.

While we were amid the chaos that is our travels home to the States, I realized that I missed Barcelona and I wanted to go “home”.  It was then that I was able to redefine what home is to me.   We had a great time visiting with our friends and family but at the same time I realized that I was missing the tranquility of our lives abroad.  I don’t know if it is because we have so many people to see and so much to do in such a short time at home, but life in the States now feels frenzied.  The pace is go go go.  It’s a pace of life that I’ve never had a problem with and will go back to some day and will readjust to.  But it was a significant moment for me to realize that I missed my life in Barcelona.

It was then that I feel like I made a decision that I was feeling pretty good about even though we didn’t have to make the decision for a few more months.  Seven months before Josh had asked about if we could extend our time in Barcelona by at least a year.  At that time, there was no way I felt comfortable making such a significant decision.  I knew he wanted to and I knew that Liam would be fine.  It was myself and Aidan I had been concerned with.  Aidan has always defined his time here by the grade he would be in when he leaves – our original timeframe had us leaving halfway thru second grade.  This extension would mean that he would leave at the end of third grade instead.  Wow, that seems so long!!  We sat Aidan down and while he wasn’t thrilled at the idea, he had a timeframe and was ok with it. 

But on a high from our trip home knowing that it was still there and that our friends and family were still our friends and family no matter where we lived.  Knowing that the kids would get extra time in an amazing school.  That we would have more opportunity to travel.  And of course, that Josh would have a chance to challenge himself for a longer time in a role that he absolutely loves at work.   So we made our decision.  We would stay an extra year and a half.  The extra half would allow the kids to complete their school year rather than leaving halfway which is what we did when we moved here. 

While there have been moments of doubt in my decision…and I say my decision because Josh has always wanted to do this so he made it clear that whatever I wanted to do, he would go along with…but I knew this meant a lot to him as well… anyways, there have been moments of doubt but absolutely no regrets in this decision.  As I write this on our two year anniversary I can’t imagine that we were supposed to be home already – that we would have gone back just before the holidays.  I feel like we aren’t there yet, we aren’t ready.  There is still so much for us to do and to see both from a travel and exploration standpoint but also from a work standpoint for Josh. 

But the longer we stay here, the harder it is going to be to go home.  I never thought I would be at a point where I have my doubts about what happens next.  But we’ll get to that… for now I’m recapping these two years!   That fall, September 2010, marked another milestone for us.  Liam started school.  My baby was no longer a baby.  Both kids got on that school bus that September 1^st and suddenly I was “free” for the first time in over 6 years.  I had no children home with me any more during the school day.  I was free to work, I was free to have lunch with friends, to go to the gym (gym’s here don’t have daycares so I could not bring Liam with me therefore I didn’t belong to a gym til he went to school), to run errands at more than a snail’s pace. 

Suddenly the world was my oyster.  That sounds terrible in a way but it’s true.  I loved loved loved my time home with Liam and wouldn’t change a thing about it.  But it definitely stunted my ability to get out and socialize as an adult since my network of friends here either didn’t have kids or had kids that were school age.  To bring along my 3 year old to lunch was not something I enjoyed doing.  I know my friends didn’t care, but it wasn’t the same leisurely time and it certainly didn’t give me much opportunity to get to know people.  And here I was, in a beautiful foreign city but not really exploring all it had to offer.  This was yet another turning point in my time here and I will admit, I probably let my social life lead the way and did not do nearly as much work as I should have between September and June but you only live once right?

The Spanish love their holidays and the 2010-2011 school year was full of long weekends.  We did some significant travel during this time.  We went to Provence, France in October.   What a beautiful area, I’d say one of my top spots that we’ve been to.  Sadly while we were there we got word that a close friend of ours passed away of a heart attack.  He was too young and the world lost a wonderful man that day.  It was also a day where we realized just how far away we are from home in the case of an emergency.  It wouldn’t be the first time or the last time we had that feeling unfortunately.   I joined the gym the day after we got back from our trip knowing that while Shane and I were very different from a healthiness standpoint, it could happen to anyone and I would be as proactive as I could on my end.  Joining the gym was a challenge in itself but I was determined to do it on my own and at this point it had become essential to my mental well being as well to know that I had been able to accomplish what at home would be an easy task.

 I also went back home in October to visit friends and family – it was a whirlwind 5 days and I’m so glad I did it without the kids.  It was so nice to get to spend time with everyone without having to meet anyone else’s needs.  And once again, I was anxious to get back to Barcelona.  I missed Josh and the kids and while it was nice to be away for a few days, it was nice to come back as well.  But while things seemed to be taking on a normal way of life again, the holidays were just around the corner.  The holidays are my favorite time of year and full of traditions, especially within our neighborhood.  We moved to Barcelona just after the New Year and that last Thanksgiving and Christmas was really hard for me, it just felt final.  I know it wasn’t but it felt it.  So to have our first holidays away from home was no easier. 

However, in the end they worked out better than we expected.  We had friends and co-workers over for Thanksgiving.  It was actually really special because we were a bunch of expats with no home or family to speak of in a sense and we all came together to celebrate.  It actually gave more meaning to Thanksgiving to me for the first time in a long time.  We had a lot to celebrate in our lives in 2010 and this gave us the opportunity to do so with our newly formed family.  Christmas was very mellow.  We didn’t go anywhere.  The kids were excited that Santa would still be coming to Barcelona.  We made cookies, we wrote letters and instead of doing our traditional Chinese food dinner on Christmas eve, we had Irish pub food because that’s what we found that was open… We also made our own Christmas ornaments as a new tradition because our Charlie Brown IKEA tree needed any help it could get!!

Instead of going home for the holidays (I had been home in Oct and Josh in Nov for work), we decided to travel somewhere warm.  We headed to Lanzarote in the Canary Islands for the New Year.  It was here that we realized that Aidan was having some troubles.  He had been acting out for about 2 months at that time but things got out of control during that trip.  It wasn’t til the following late spring that we realized that he was still having trouble adjusting to life in Barcelona, yes a year later.  We had no idea he was still missing home so much and felt terrible for not realizing it. 

We had a very rough winter and spring with Aidan and it wasn’t til the end of this summer 2011 that we felt that things were back to “normal” with him.  It made us question the decision we had made to move here though we know in our hearts it was the best decision for our family.  But it has made us more attuned to his sensitive nature and to make sure we embrace home home for him as well. 

So while 2011 started off slightly rough, it would be a banner year for us, especially with travel.  We had either a visitor or travel planned at least every 6 weeks for 2011.  And because of it, the year absolutely flew by!  We were on Lanzarote thru the end of the first week of January.  We finally bit the bullet and signed Aidan up for tennis lessons again.  He has always loved tennis but Josh and I had wanted to take a break from sports when we first moved here.  And then there was the case of the fact that we (meaning I) would need to sign him up for lessons in Spanish which was intimidating.  In the end it took a matter of minutes and off he went to lessons.  Kindly, the instructors speak to him in English (and Liam started lessons this fall) and then the other students in Catalan. It’s a nice comfort for him and I appreciate their kindness.  Another turn for us was the timing of the lessons.  In the past, at home, we would aim for class at 8AM so it wouldn’t impact our plans for the day.  Here, with our more leisurely life and children who actually sleep in now, we barely make it to their 11AM class!  My how things have changed!!

Josh went back to the States the first week of February.  The kids had their Semana Blanca (Feb vacation) at the end of the month.  In March Aidan started to take jiu jitsu lessons down the street from us (Liam will start classes next week!).  March also brought us to Lisbon, Portugal for a long weekend that ended up being one of our best family trips to date.  Then Becky and Ray came to visit the following week for 2 weeks which took us thru early April.  The weekend after they left we headed to Amsterdam for 5 days during the kids April vacation.  I also started taking a Spanish class in March with my friend Jodi – it was time for me to step up my language skills and I wasn’t committing to my Rossetta Stone as I once had. 

In May the boys celebrated another birthday here in Barcelona – Liam is now 4 and Aidan is now 7.  How time flies!  Just today I was listening to music from when Liam was a baby and I could barely remember that time which made me sad.  My babies aren’t babies any more.  Right after their birthdays I managed a quick 2 day getaway with a friend to Ibiza (to the tune of 50€, a deal we couldn’t possibly pass up!).  Then more visitors came.   Kyle and Kelly came to visit in the middle of May and Josh and I took the opportunity to take them to France for a day while a sitter took care of the boys.  How often do you get to say that you went to France for just the day?  We do love that about life here.   It’s like going to New Hampshire distance-wise, but it’s FRANCE!!  We loved having Kyle and Kelly come to visit and hope they come back!  But right after they left Josh and I went away just the two of us to Venice for a long weekend.  What an amazing city – so peaceful and yet full of tourists.  But with no cars, you could meander the small windy streets and not come across anyone for ages.  And well, you can’t beat the food!! 

We had visitors in early June – the Holmes family.  It was great to see Billy, Jenn and Izzy and the kids all got along great.  We spent some time with them in Barcelona and in Sitges where the kids all enjoyed the beach.  The kids finished school in mid June.  The day after school finished we headed home to the States for a 2 ½ week vacation.  Once again Josh stayed behind to work (sorry Josh!).  This time we would be staying in our own house although the house would be in transition as we would be emptying it of all our belongings for our new tenants who would be moving in July 1^st.  While I was excited to have new tenants in our house, people that I really like, it made my vacation a bit more hard work than I had anticipated.  And I think it was hard on Aidan to see our things being moved into a storage unit.  But overall he took it in stride because he was so happy to be back in the ‘hood.  And I’m so thankful to have such amazing friends that helped me with our move – I didn’t thank you nearly enough while I was there but I couldn’t have done it without you.  Again, it shows me that it doesn’t matter where you live, true friends are forever.

What was interesting this time around with our visit was Liam.  Keep in mind that Liam was 2 ½ when we moved.  A time when we start to have genuine memories.  And Liam had no memories of home other than from pictures.  He did not recognize our house when we went in.  I had to show him where his room was – he was ecstatic to see that he had his own room.  Our first night in our house we were across the street playing and I told him it was time to go home – he asked me where Papa was.  I told him Papa was home with Nana, why?  He said, but don’t we live with Papa?  That was a significant moment for me.   My child didn’t know where we lived.  In my mind, this is home… no matter where we live in the world, this is our home home.  And my son doesn't know it.  Several times on that trip, while he told me he really liked it in Attleboro, he asked me when we were going back home to Barcelona.  To Liam, Barcelona is his home home.  It was a very interesting realization.  And someday when we move back to the States, I will have one child with his suitcases packed and waiting by the door and another begging us not to leave. 

But there is no rest for the weary.  We arrived back in Barcelona on July 6^th and on July 8^th the kids and I headed out once again.  This time it was with Michelle (who was back again for another visit!) , her friend Kelly and Kelly’s two kids, Zach and Haley.  We did a road trip thru the south of France up to the Italian Riviera.  Stops included Aix-en-Provance (France), Monte Carlo, Rappalo (Italy - where we stayed for a week), Cinque Terre (Italy), Portofino and Santa Margarita (Italy), Pisa (Italy), Nice (France), Antibes (France) and Arles (France).  It was a trip full of fun, laughter and adventure. 

We got back the third week of July to welcome more visitors, our friend Roy and his daughter Presli, who were doing a European trip.  We enjoyed our long weekend showing them “our” city though at this point I was feeling pretty exhausted and we were only halfway through our summer!  The kids were taking the travel in stride but their old mom was tired! 

Michelle left at the end of the month and I’m working on getting her back for this summer (please let the flight costs come down!).  And 2 days after she left we were once again hitting the road, this time for Josh’s VistaBreak, otherwise known as a sabbatical.  For every 5 years of service, Vistaprint gives their employees an extra month of vacation to be taken at once.  So Josh took the month of August off.  The last time he had a VistaBreak was when Liam was born so this was a nice chance for us to do something as a family now that the kids are quite a bit older.  So August took us to both Ireland and Greece.  We spent the majority of our time in Ireland on the West Coast.  The weather was rainy and cold (60s) but the scenery was stunning – a country I would love to go back and explore more.  From there we hightailed it to Greece, from one extreme to the other – 60s to 90s!  We started off in Athens and ended in Paxos, an island paradise that we would go back to year after year if we could!  Thank you Alefiya for the recommendation!! 

We got back to Barcelona the week before school started again.  This year Liam started pre-k and Aidan is in 2^nd grade.  Both kids have been in the school system here longer than they were at home.  By the time we leave Barcelona, Liam will actually have lived here longer than he will have lived in the States.  This year marked a turning point for Aidan academically.  School has always been a challenge and he’s always had to work hard, and though there is nothing wrong with having to work hard (I personally thing it is good for him), it has been something that has affected his self confidence which then also affects his mood.  This year seems to have been a breakthrough for him and school is clicking.  He’s doing really well and still has to work hard but he senses the progress and so do we and his mood reflects this.  It’s been a pleasure to have him around these days, a big change from last fall! 

This school year has less long weekends due to complaints from parents last year that there were too many (really, complaining about a day off????) so our travel will be less, but we’ve still managed some end of the year trips and are planning out our 2012 itinerary. 

Josh and I celebrated our 10 year anniversary in September and we each bought each other a trip and arranged for a sitter for the kids.  Given that normally we go out to dinner for our anniversary and skip gifts, this just shows how in tune we are to each other since we got each other the same type of gift.  I took Josh to Andorra in mid September and Josh took me to Formentera (off the coast of Ibiza) the first weekend of October.  Both were fabulous relaxing trips with the exception of our moto accidents on Formentera of which we each had one.  Despite Josh’s wishes, we will NOT be getting a moto in Barcelona.  If he can’t manage one on a deserted island, he isn’t going to get one in a bustling city!

At the end of October we flew down to Marbella for a long weekend which included a trip to Gibraltar to see the wild monkeys and dolphins.   It was especially cool to be out on the Rock of Gibraltar and look right out to Africa.  How often does one have that opportunity?  We are incredibly lucky!  The kids had a great time and enjoyed running around on Gibraltar, though Liam was a bit ambivalent about the monkeys being so close (I can’t say I blame him) and the fun things the hotel had to offer.  I also started to take another Spanish class this fall, working yet again on improving my skills. 

Josh went home in November for work, his second time this year.  He has travelled a bit this year but we are really lucky that he doesn’t travel as much as most people that we know have to.  I know several women who’s spouses travel weekly.  Josh’s travel seems to come in clusters and his European travel tends to be 2 to 3 days.  It’s only trips to the States that tend to be lengthy.  He got to be involved in an acquisition at work which meant travelling to Amsterdam quite a few times this year and we expect more in 2012. 

Once again in November we celebrated Thanksgiving with friends here.  I felt much more confident ordering our turkey this year though the chicken lady thought Thanksgiving was the week after – in Spain (and I think most of Europe), holidays fall on the same day year after year – they are not observed on a Monday or Friday or the 4^th Thursday of November.  So I had to explain to her (in Spanish, go me!) that the holidays are done differently in the States.   

Before you know it, the holiday season was upon us – hard to believe it came so quickly but with all this adventure this year, it flew by!   The kids finished school in mid December for a 3 week Christmas break (which they are still on) and the following day we headed up to France to meet up with friends before exploring Christmas markets in France, Germany and Switzerland – yes, three countries in just 4 ½ days.  Thankfully they were all pretty close!  Some of these markets date back 500 years so it was really cool to see some history and I am absolutely in love with the Alsace – so spectacularly beautiful!! 

Christmas was once again celebrated in Barcelona and was low key.  The kids got itouches which are already coming in handy with travel.  I look forward to a nice easy trip home next summer with them!!  A few days after Christmas we headed up to France yet again, though this time just over the border to the Pyrenees to go skiing, the boys’ first time.  Both kids have taken to it and I’m “thrilled” to have yet another sport to add to their repertoire.  We are here for just a few more days before heading back home to Barcelona.

So now that we are up to date on the last 2 years, what do we have coming up?  Well, travel wise, I’m not 100% sure yet.  We haven’t booked anything though we have a few definite that we need to book.  Josh is going home this month for work again.  My cousin Meghan will be coming to visit in March.  We’re hoping to go to the Amalfi Coast in Italy in April.  In May I will fly to Minnesota for my brother’s wedding.  And the plan is to take the kids home in June for a few weeks.  We’d like to do 2 family trips in the summer with Josh as we are going with the assumption that this will be our last summer here since the plan is to return home for good next summer.  Where we will go is up in the air.

The kids and Josh go back to school and work on Monday and I will try to organize our lives again – work for me, Spanish class, the gym and catching up with friends both here and at home that I haven’t chatted with since the kids started their break.  Josh and I are once again faced with some major decisions to make.  Josh has the opportunity to continue working in Barcelona beyond our 3 ½ year commitment.  It’s something he would very much like to do, but like before, we are torn on our decision.  There are pros and cons to both staying and to going home.  Home will always be there – once we go back though the odds of us living in Europe again are low.  However, that being said, we miss home.  We miss our families, our friends and the routines to our lives.  I miss what now feels like the easiness of our lives – communication is significantly easier and that to me, is a big deal.  Though the communication is also a challenge here – will going home seem boring without that kind of a challenge? 

In a sense I’m afraid to make a decision because I’m afraid it will be the wrong one.  Life here has exceeded our expectations.  Will we go back too soon?  Or will staying longer make it harder to go back eventually?  How will staying longer impact the boys?  We love their school and all that it offers, but especially the opportunity for them to get to know kids from all walks of life – I love that when I mention to Aidan we are going to travel somewhere he often says, Oh, so and so is from there… like it’s no big deal.  The world has gotten smaller for them in a sense and I love that.  Travelling all over has become second nature and that will not be so easy to do when we are back home – it’s significantly more expensive to do this much travel there not to mention our schedules are much different back home.  Not to mention that Josh absolutely loves his job here which has also exceeded his expectations.  How do we know what the right decision is to make? 

We are looking forward to all that 2012 has to throw our way.  We know that it won’t be as crazy busy as 2011 was but that’s ok too.  We are settling into our lives here and still have at a minimum a year and a half to go so there is still plenty of time to try to do it all while trying to maintain some normalcy in our lives as well.  In the meantime, we will just try to enjoy our lives and take things a day at a time… poco a poco as they say, little by little. We’ve got to make our decisions by the end of the school year so at least we will know in a matter of months what our future will hold. 

In the meantime, I want to thank everyone who has been so supportive of our lives here.   Our parents, families and our friends.  Without you, we would not have been able to do this.  You have been our rock and knowing that no matter where we live that you are there for us (and us for you), means the world to us.  As we’ve always said, please please come visit us – there is always an open invitation for all of you!  Thanks for reading for the last 2 ½ years and especially for reading this very very long entry (if you’ve gotten this far!) – knowing that I have followers keeps me inspired to continue to write about our lives here and knowing that I’ll have a journal of our adventures for the boys someday continues to motivate me as well.  I look forward to writing about more of our adventures in 2012!!

Love

Julie, Josh, Aidan and Liam