Wednesday, April 30, 2014

An Update to Our Lives in Limbo

It's been a long long 7 months.  Nothing I say here is going to come close to expressing the emotions of this last half year.  I've been journaling the experience but quite honestly, it has not been pretty and I can't say that the parties involved would appreciate the public voicing of my opinion and so it will remain in my private archives for the time being.

But we have finally made progress.  It was a long time coming.  An emotional rollercoaster like none that I have ever experienced before and I thought just moving to Spain was rollercoaster enough.

I can't even remember where I formally left off since I've been journaling all along.  So I guess let's back track to the fall and I'll update from there.  

Last summer Josh suggested to me that this year (as in school year) should be our last in Barcelona due to changes in his role here and the lack of work left for him to accomplish.  This would be a year earlier than we had planned.  Our plan was to then repatriate to the US this coming summer.  However, things never quite go as planned as we've learned. 

As Josh was transitioning his role to the local lead here in Barcelona in October, he was approached by higher ups at the company to see if he would be able to take on the interim CTO position for their subsidiary company, Albumprinter, located in Amsterdam while they look for a permanent person to fill this role.  Now you may remember me bringing up Amsterdam a while back (http://www.megustatuzapatos.blogspot.com.es/2013/09/the-time-we-almost-moved-to-amsterdam.html) - yeah, this is the same position he wanted a year ago but fell thru.  The position was expected to last 3- 6 months which in a way would be perfect as we figured it would probably end up being closer to the 6 month mark with the holidays, etc and would put us closer to the time we would be moving back to the US with the worst case scenario that Josh would go home to the US ahead of the kids and I and we would finish up the school year here and then follow.

Within a week (the first week of November) Josh was commuting every single week to Amsterdam.  It took some trial and error as far as when he would fly out and when he would come back home to Barcelona that would work best with all our schedules (the 7AM flight on Mon AM that required him to leave at 4:30AM did not work well!).  In the end, we've agreed that he flies out on Sunday night and returns most weeks (though not all) on Thursday night.  If he doesn't return Thursday night, he comes home on Saturday morning early.  It's a lot of wear and tear on him with all the travel because even though it's only a 2 1/2 hour flight, with the travel to the airport, waiting in the airport and the flight, it ends up being closer to 5 1/2 hrs every single Sunday and Thursday.  

At first it wasn't so bad.  Josh had traveled for work before although no where near to this capacity. But a few days here, a week there, it hadn't been bad.  But after the first week there was a second and a third and then a month.  Depression began to kick in.  It wasn't that this was soooo difficult with the kids.  I'm incredibly fortunate that the kids are older and more self sufficient than if I were here with a baby or toddler with absolutely no support.  

It was that I was lonely.  And not only was I lonely without my partner in crime, I was also stressed. I'm a planner and suddenly (or perhaps not so suddenly as we were in a bit of limbo before this, though closer to a solution) I had absolutely no control over our immediate future or that future, 6, 8 or 12 months ahead of us.  

Josh loves the job.  He has always loved his work at Vistaprint but the last year + had not been so great with all of the re-orgs and unknowns.  I could hear it in his voice how incredibly happy he was in Amsterdam.  It only pissed me off unfortunately.  The poor guy couldn't win.  His hope was that they would ask him to stay on full time and give up the search for an outside hire.  

My original "plan" was that we needed a game plan in place by December 31st, 2013 on where we would be living after the school year finished.  That plan came and went.  I was so far up Josh's ass it was ridiculous.  Pretty much going from highs to lows in a moment - I could have a nice conversation with him and then in an instant, I'd be ballistic that he had no new information.  All of this, of course, was beyond his control and the reasonable part of me knew that, but it didn't matter at that moment.  I'm sure the last 7 months have been super pleasant for him as well with his nut job wife here in BCN that he had to deal with daily.  

By the middle of January we received some great news.  They would like to hire Josh to work in Amsterdam full time.  Josh was elated and I wanted to vomit.  Another move?  And not home?  But at the same time, I was also excited for a new opportunity and for the kids to have more time living abroad - I knew the feeling of nausea would pass.  We then agreed that March 31st would be our new date for a variety of reasons.  

But here's the stickler and this is where we have been ever since.  Because AP is autonomously run, it wasn't as simple as just transferring an employee from one department to another.  And so the last several months we have been waiting to see if this is something that could even be done.  March 31st came and went.  We understood that they were making best efforts to make it happen but also that there is no guarantee that it would come to fruition.  The longer we waited, the more stressed I would become.  And so we have been waiting... and waiting... and waiting.  For four more very long months.

I have cried... a lot.  Like almost every day.  I'd have a good day and then several bad days.  I left the house only when I had to - gym, groceries, kid stuff and that was about it.  I wasn't proactive about getting together with people.  I just didn't care any more.  Normally when Josh used to travel, I'd take the time to have my friends over for dinner - nope, not at all.  I think in the last 7 months I've had 2 dinners here, maybe 3 aside from when I've had friends visiting from out of town.  I just had no desire to be social.  

I can't say this was probably good for the kids.  While I wasn't teary in front of them, nor was I super excited or happy or energetic either.  I was still getting things done because, well, they needed to be done.  But I can't say that they didn't sense my lack of energy or that I was highly emotional - I'm sure they did.

About a month ago, I decided I was done with this shit.  I can't live like this - sad and depressed all the time.  I don't like who I've become.  I don't like where it's going and I'm tired of being so emotional. And so I threw everything to the universe. Tossed up the white flag in defeat and decided what will be will be.  I've felt about 1000 times better since then.  I've no doubt that beautiful spring weather (not that winter here is anything to be sad about) helped in this process as well as having several rounds of friends and family on the docket for visits that will take us thru early June.

Last week Josh asked again when he might expect to see his contract.  He was told it would be this week.  After waiting for 4 months, I can honestly say I wasn't holding my breath.  So no one was more surprised than me when on Monday evening Josh called and said that he had his contract in hand.  It's not ready to be signed, but it's a start.  It's a step towards what will possibly be our future - in Amsterdam.  But nothing is definitive as of yet.  

So now we wait a little bit more but at least we have some forward movement which is more than we've had in quite some time - something that is a huge relief for us both.  We are looking towards the future and while we don't know for sure where we will land, we know it's going to be an adventure either way.

Besos,

Julie

Saturday, April 26, 2014

Sant Jordi 2014

While every holiday here is incredibly fun and full of life, there is no holiday in Barcelona that compares to Sant Jordi.  It is by and far my absolute favorite.  For those that might not remember, Sant Jordi is Barcelona's answer to Valentine's Day only bigger and better.

Instead of the traditional Hallmark card, roses and chocolate, it's a bit of a twist here.  Combined with International Book Day, the tradition is that men give women a rose and women give men a book. This can be a friend, a family member or someone you love - it does not matter.  It is all inclusive.

The legend of Sant Jordi is about Saint George (Jordi here in Catalunya) rescuing the princess from the dragon.  So much of what you see during the day is images of Sant Jordi and the Dragon.  When Sant Jordi stabbed the dragon.  In the spot where the dragon's blood spilled, a rose bush grew.  And Sant Jordi plucked a rose to give to the princess.  As you walk down most every street you are confronted with table after table of either roses or books. And as you near the center of the city, these tables become larger and larger and become tents filled with people, authors and books.  Roses everywhere but not just real roses but roses created by artists - jewelry, puppets and more.  You can tell they've had to get creative over the years in order to differentiate from the competition.

My friend Jodi is in town and her timing could not have been better because I have spent the last few months holed up in our apartment during the day.  With beautiful weather on Sant Jordi, it was a perfect day to walk around town to see what was going on.  We walked from my apartment in Gracia down to Placa Catalunya - normally about a 45 minute walk but much longer when you take time to smell the roses (ok that was a really bad pun).  We took our time walking around and checking out all the sights along the way.  Not to mention there were huge crowds of people once we got to Passeig de Gracia - it was hard to walk at much more than a snail's pace at times.  I'm pretty sure all of Spain was in the general Placa Catalunya area which could explain a bit about the economy here since these people were obviously not working!

Sant Jordi cupcakes...unfortunately they did not taste even close to how good they looked.  But they were pretty at least!


Flowers and Catalan flags

Placa de Vila de Gracia - there were book sellers surrounding the clock tower


Take your picture as Sant Jordi and the Dragon

The puppet I bought Liam - the dragon goes in and out of the rose with a stick (the stem of the flower)

Catalunya (Independence flags) flag cookies with roses


A lot of booths we saw had propaganda about freeing Catalunya from Spain...in addition to selling roses and books. This tee shirt says "Make no mistake.  I'm Catalan and so I'm not Spanish"

Catalan independence and standard flag bracelets made from rainbow looms - I told Aidan he's missing a whole market here!

Finally a booth with books in English...too bad they are all tourist books!


Even El Corte Ingles was sporting it's Catalan flag during the celebrations

After we made our way thru Placa Catalunya, I had to make my way up to school for the kids' annual Sant Jordi festival.  Again, this is my favorite of all the performances they put on each year.  It is traditional, it is adorable and it brings a tear to my eye every year as I think of how lucky we have been to have the opportunity for our kids to go to such a wonderful school that does these kinds of things.

And while the Sant Jordi festival is LONG at the boys' school (it was 2 1/2 hours and there is no seating for the parents so you are standing the whole time), it is worth it and so much fun!

Liam loves any reason to celebrate!

Heads of school and the Spanish/Catalan teachers starting the festivities!

Liam's class coming out to do their performance

Liam is the first child on the left in the blue shorts


Liam's 1st grade class performance

And here comes Aidan's class!

Aidan is at 12 o'clock in the plaid shorts

Now at 5 o'clock...



Aidan's 4th grade class performance

There was even a casteller performance from some of the middle schoolers!  This is no easy feat!



No festival is complete without a gegante (giant)!  In our case, it's Benjamin Franklin (the boys' school is the Benjamin Franklin International School)!


As always, the most fun performance and definitely not traditional is that done by the 11th graders. Each year, they do their own interpretation of the legend of Sant Jordi...with a modern twist.  It's a lot of fun to watch and while it would be tempting to grab the kids and go after their performances are done, we'd hate to miss out on this!

11th grade dance - to the tune of Cotton Eyed Joe

That was it.  It was a fun day had by all and with love in the air, I should also note, that on a rare day that we walked home, Aidan decided to tell me that he has a girl that he likes in his class.  He wanted to know how he could tell her he likes her and if she would be his girlfriend.  OMG where does the time go?  How can my baby be at a stage where he likes girls?  We had an awesome and mature conversation the whole way home from school.  And while I'm sad that mom isn't the love of his life any more, I love this young man he is becoming.  What better day to talk about all different kinds of love than Sant Jordi??

Liam with his rose/dragon puppet that I gave him - it was a HUGE hit!

My baby isn't a baby any more!


Besos,
Julie

Saturday, April 19, 2014

The Brits "Invade" Barcelona.... The Cousins Come to Visit!

The last 6 1/2 months have been anything but easy for our family.  But for the next few months, we have a lot to look forward to.  Aside from spring having made it's arrival in Barcelona, and there is little better than spring in Barcelona, we have a lot of visitors lined up for the next 6 weeks.  And while it means less travel for us, after traveling at the pace we have been for the last 4 1/2 years, it's a welcome relief to have visitors coming our way.  First up, our cousins from England!

For a family who hasn't been able to get our shit together to visit each other during the first four years of our time living in Europe, we've now managed to see our British cousins, not once, not twice, but now three times in the last 6 months and in a word, it's been awesome!  Hanging with them is just so easy, so relaxed and so much fun and I wish we'd done it sooner.

When we were visiting with them back in March, they decided to plan a visit to see us during the April break.  It made saying goodbye a whole lot easier that weekend knowing they would be here in just 4 short weeks.  The kids talked non-stop about "the cousins" coming to visit.  We had an über busy few days planned with them and as I type this, I'm sitting on the couch where I don't plan to leave for the next 24 hours.

As "the cousins" didn't arrive until late Monday night, Aidan had a sleepover Sunday into Monday. They were in bed late and up very early (like 5:45 early...though in Aidan's defense, I did hear him say to his friend "I'm going back to bed, but here's some books if you'd like to read").  Given the intensity of the week, that might have been a mistake in hindsight as the kids have yet to be in bed before 10:30 any night this week.

We had 3 full days and totally different activities planned for each of those days.  A day doing an intense tour of Barcelona.  A day in Collioure, France.  And finally, a day in Sitges, a small beach town about 30 minutes south of Barcelona.  We covered a little bit of everything.  Early days, late nights and meals on the go, but it was worth every moment!!

Barcelona day of insanity!

We started the day off early with a tour to Sagrada Familia.  Now, I should probably also note that a few of the things that we did on Tuesday neither Josh nor the kids had done either.  Given that we are likely leaving Barcelona in the next few months, it was a great opportunity for them to see those places and it would have been a shame to say that we lived here all that time and they never got to see some of these world famous places.

Thankfully we ordered our tickets for Sagrada Familia online since I have yet to not see a long line outside the famous basilica.  Unfortunately, I didn't order them far enough in advance and all the audio tours were sold out.  This was fine because the kids really didn't have the patience to get thru the audio tour anyways.

We went up to the top of the towers to see the outstanding views of the city and worked our way back down.
Aidan and Liam waiting to get into Sagrada Familia

Cousins re-united!  Liam, Angus, Aidan and Eden

At the top of the tower

Fiona and Angus near the top and Liam and Angus back at the bottom...

The way the light was coming thru the stained glass was amazing!



Sagrada Familia museum

After the Sagrada Familia we took a little time to play on the playground

Liam has become quite the monkey these days and was swinging back and forth over and over again

Angus gives it a try...
After Sagrada Familia we were off to Casa Batlló, yet another Gaudi creation.  And again, a location neither Josh nor the boys had been to before.  On our way there, in what would not be the last time this week, we lost Liam.  It was a bit of a panicked moment as Passeig de Gracia is incredibly busy street, full of locals and tourists alike.  It was hard to see thru the crowds to try to find him.  Thankfully he hadn't gone far (he had been off in his own world and did not see us stop and had continued on ahead) but it was still a few minutes of panic wondering where he had gone and how we were going to find him.  

While the kids didn't have a great attention span here either, it was definitely better than when we were at Sagrada Familia.
Waiting to go into Casa Batlló

Selfie :)

Eden and Julie


Angus inside Casa Batlló




Family shot!  Josh, Liam, Aidan, Angus, Fiona, Eden and Julie

Selfie again :)

Hanging out on the roof
After Casa Battló, we had a great lunch at our favorite tapas place, Ciudad Condal.  It's touristy but has some of the best tapas.  Of course, in typical Spanish fashion, our 20 minute wait was well over an hour.  But it was worth it an full kids are happy kids!
We took the rest of the afternoon to wander around the city.  Placa Catalunya, Las Ramblas, La Boqueria, el Born and la Gotica.  Eventually the kids had enough though and we took the metro down to the beach which is where they really wanted to go!
Walking thru the Gothic



Placa Catalunya


Julie and Angus

Just the boys


Blowing big bubbles


Spelling out the letters "Barcino" the old name for Barcelona




Aidan and Eden on the climber at the beach

Collioure, France

We love Collioure.  It's a must see when we have friends and family in town.  Just two hours north of Barcelona, along the Mediterranean coast, Collioure is the epitome of what you think of when you think old world Europe.  And with Fiona, Angus and Eden all speaking French, they were super excited for the visit there.

We took the kids thru the castle, ate at Creperie Bretonne (my favorite) and walked all around town. The weather, while a bit on the breezy side, was beautiful with a clear blue sky that would be hard to match anywhere.  The kids laughed and ran and played.  Really, it doesn't get much better than this!


Hanging on the castle wall... and Liam in a pouty moment...

Getting ready to skip rocks into the water

Eden, Fiona and Angus

My baby isn't much of a baby any more... before I know it, he's going to be as tall as me!

Walking into town


Yummy lunch!

Running to the castle

Aidan and Eden

Angus, Aidan and Eden

Aidan and Fiona

Inside the castle

On top of the castle wall



The big boys

View from the castle



Happy kids



Throwing stones

Do these kids take great pictures or what?

Sitges, Spain

Another one of our favorite places to show people when they visit is Sitges.  And bonus for our Sitges day, Aidan's friend Luca was in town from Stockholm and staying in Stiges so we got to see him and his brother Roan and my friends Saskia as well.  We took the train down to Sitges, just about 40 mins south of Barcelona.  We walked past the Cathedral down to the boardwalk and walked for about 20 minutes to meet up with Saskia and the kids.

Getting psyched for the beach!

More pictures???




The kids all immediately ran for the water.  Personally, I think crazy.  It was maybe 65F out, not exactly swimming weather.  Well, unless you are a kid.  Apparently it was swimming weather for them. The adults, meanwhile, just relaxed at the churinguito (beach bar) and chatted the day away.  It was a mellow, fun day for all.  And full of some good laughs too...especially when Fiona came back from the porta potty telling us about how a couple had just walked out of it sheepishly.  Who does it in a porta potty??  Ewww!!  But it made us laugh incredibly hard!!!

The kids all had so much fun on the beach.  Whether tossing the football around, exploring the rocks or building sand castles, the kids all got along fabulously and played hard all day.

The whole brood in the water!

Happy to be on the beach!

Aidan and Luca

Aidan, Luca and Angus playing football

Eden and Liam had a great time building sand castles

Eden and Liam

Aidan and Luca


Bamboo sticks were washing up on the shore - all the kids were determined to collect as many as they could.  Liam considered himself to be Gandalf (Lord of the Rings) with his stick.

Aidan and Luca

The end of the day... still all smiles!


Liam and Roan chatting away (a note here that they were too shy to play with each other the entire day but when the day ended they were sudden BFF's)


The day was a blast and we didn't make it back home til after 9.  We had to stop of ice cream before we even left Sitges.  And like our first day, this was also the day we lost Liam AGAIN.  Crowded streets + Liam's world = trouble.  And trouble he is.  When we found him, he knew that once again he hadn't been paying attention and that while we were very happy we had found him (of course), we were not happy that once again his lack of focus meant we lost him.  His excuse (and clever at that) was that we were not going the correct way (not true) to the train station and so he was going the right way.  Uh huh... nice try.

Ice cream!!!



All in all though, it was a fun, fun 3 days with our family and friends.  We were very sad to see them leave and look forward to our next reunion, hopefully in June!!!  And it was great to see Saskia, Luca and Roan as well - hopefully we'll see them again soon too!!!

Besos,
Julie