Christmas in Barcelona 2013

I admit I was a bit nervous about how Christmas would go this year given Aidan's accidental revealing of our big gift to him and Liam (a wii u).  As I mentioned in a recent post, he's been unsure about his belief in Santa and I haven't been ready to let go of the magic of Christmas with him yet.  It doesn't help being away from friends and family this time of year - the traditions we have at home are sometimes hard to recreate 4000 miles away in a foreign country.  And with it being just the four of us, it's usually a pretty quiet Christmas - something we've come to enjoy and yet at the same time, we really miss the normal chaos of visiting with friends and family on Christmas day.

Every year I find it harder and harder to not reveal gifts before the big day and I have to give myself a pat on the back this year.  With the exception of the wii u that the boys found, I managed to keep everything hidden up til the big reveal this morning.  Aidan did almost catch us on Christmas Eve as we had assumed he was asleep when in fact he wasn't.  

Speaking of Christmas Eve, it was a great one.  We started off the day with their caga tios.  Aidan was in to it at first but then when I googled the song and it was only in Catalan and not in English (hello, it's a Catalan tradition Aidan!), he started to freak out a bit.  So that didn't go too smoothly.  But both were happy with their little gifts from the caga tio - these little electronic fish that are supposed to look real. They immediately jumped in the tub so they could play with them - at least it was an excuse to get them cleaned up for Christmas!!

Caga tios waiting to be beaten so they will poop presents for them!

Liam beating his caga tio ... Aidan stomped off at this point

Aidan is back but as you can see, not too thrilled about it...

But both were happy with their little gifts the caga tio pooped!

The boys begged and pleaded for their wii u and we gave in.  After all, it had been under the tree taunting them since December 1.  Just because they found it early doesn't mean they were going to get it early!  But it was good that we unwrapped it on Christmas Eve as it was several hours of charging, setting up the internet, etc etc to get everything ready.  I can't even imagine what that would have been like today along with all the other presents. They each got to open one game which ended up being Marvel Super Heroes and Super Mario Brothers U.  HUGE hits in this house.  HUGE!

Finally!!!  We've been waiting since Thanksgiving for this present!!!!!

Opening a game

You are the best parents EVER!!!!

We don't have traditions around opening gifts on Christmas Eve but it seemed this year we started one. Josh also had me open a gift early.  I should also note that he got me an iphone 5 that he gave me a few weeks ago - mainly because he couldn't take listening to me complain about the non working home button on my iphone 4 any more!  But I also opened my other big gift early - on Christmas Eve.  It was a brand new, amazing, fancy digital camera.  Now I'm a point and shoot kind of girl and my pictures normally come out decent.  But my old Sony (old being from last Christmas, sad, I know) wasn't taking very good pictures any more with most coming out blurry.  So it was time for a new one and this time he stepped it up a bit - I hope I can step it up to given how nice this camera is!

Liam helping me unwrap the present and looking surprised at what I got (I knew he was making this face so was trying to do the same - I actually knew what was in the box, just not what type of camera)

This new camera isn't just a point and shoot (though it functions as that too) but once I learn how to use it (ie, once I read thru the 400 page book Josh also got me to go with it), I can add on different lenses and flashes, making it an even better camera.  I look forward to the new better quality pictures that I'll be taking in the future!  I got the camera early since Josh knew I'd want to take pictures on Christmas morning and while I'm still not there with taking the best quality, I can already see a difference from my last camera.

Josh also got to open a gift.  It was a fun gift as I saved his more "serious" gifts for Christmas day.  His gift was a light saber umbrella.  Now, in my defense I thought that the lightsaber actually lit up, so I was pretty disappointed when I saw that it doesn't, but he says he loves it nonetheless.  I hope so!!

Liam helped us unwrap all our gifts as you can see...

Look, it's a lightsaber (Darth Vader's) umbrella!  Perfect for the rainy weather in Amsterdam!  

Notice Aidan in the background on the wii u game pad - can't lift his eyes up for a moment, he's so entranced!!

But Christmas Eve isn't just about opening some gifts, but also about getting ready for Santa.  Aidan's friend Nicolau came over and we all made Christmas cookies to leave for Santa and some food for the reindeer too!  The kids were anxious to get back to playing the wii u, but I have to give them credit for having more patience for this than in previous years.

Liam really just wanted to eat the dough but he did make a few cookies along the way too!

Cutting out the cookies

And now decorating!

After dinner we spread out the reindeer food on the downstairs patio.  Now, let me just say that I didn't want to do it downstairs because I was afraid that if the kids went down there this morning and saw the oats were still there, they would be upset.  Last year we did it up on the roof, but Aidan insisted on downstairs.  So downstairs it was.  And yup, he was upset earlier today when he went to try out his new skateboard and realized that the oats were still there - adding another doubt to his ambivalence regarding Santa's existence.

Making reindeer food

Adding as much glitter as humanly possible.  

I may continue to find glitter on the floor for years to come...

On the downstairs patio - believe it or not, it's nighttime - that's just how bright the new camera made it look.  I love it already!

Throwing the food for the reindeer to find

We read our traditional classic version of the Night Before Christmas and then off the children went to be nestled in their beds.  Ahhh too easy.  Like I said, Josh and I almost got caught when at 9:30 we went to bring the presents up.  Aidan had to have heard us as he started to come down the stairs at 10 but we blocked him.  Josh and I weren't exactly the quietest when putting the presents under the tree. And Aidan was still awake when Josh and I went to bed.  As long as he didn't go downstairs, that was fine with me.

Ready to go for the morning!

They made it this morning til after 6:30 - not too bad considering Aidan was in our room at 2AM last year.  Liam actually came in our room at 6 but must have forgotten it was Christmas because he just snuggled in and went right back to bed.  It was Aidan who came in at 6:30 announcing that Santa had come.  We made them stick around and snuggle til 7 and then allowed them to go downstairs (but wait for us before you open anything!).

They were very excited about pretty much everything.  There wasn't anything under the tree that they went, eh... That alone was a relief for us.  You never know with these kids!  Aidan did say he wished he had received more toys only I told him all he asked for were video games and legos and that's mostly what he got.  I reminded him that he has several gift cards from family that he can use to buy more toys if that is what he wants.  But overall, I think it was a huge success for both.  Liam kept saying "thank you santa, thank you!"  It was adorable!!

Playing the wii u before they even start to open gifts

Liam was very excited for his new big kid skateboard (no more mini little skateboard for this kid)

More wii u

And more wii u... I think this one was the winner this year

Trying out his new skateboard (on the marble, good idea)...and getting ready to start opening gifts

And away they go!!!

Lego TMNT and Disney Infinity character

Power Ranger giant thing (he was excited)

A wii u pro controller

Lego City! Unbeknownst to him, I actually got this for him last year but held off because I figured they had enough gifts under the tree... so freebie for me this year as it was already in the closet :)

Liam got several costumes including Indiana Jones

More Disney Infinity

Soooo excited and wanted to pose with each present

"Keep Calm, I am the Doctor" mug... he also got a Star Wars shirt that says, "Come to the Dark Side... We have Bacon".  I think it's actually Liam's favorite gift as he kept coming over to Josh all day and pointing it out...

Doing a happy dance

Josh's new Tumi bag

How to Train Your Dragon

A comic on the back of the journal he got... 

he also got a stylus to use with his ipad so he can draw on there...

Liam watching Aidan open a gift.... what is it??

More clothes???  Oh the drama!!  And these aren't even for me, they are for dad!!

Trying to act all gangsta...

Skylander Swap Force guide to the characters

And yup, more wii u... they are actually still playing as I type this entry (it's now 7PM)...

Big winners this year - well, the wii u, of course.  And all the games to go with it which included the much begged for Skylanders SwapForce and some characters to go with it.  A number of Lego sets which included Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and Lego City Police.  The camera for myself, of course :)  And Josh got a new "Indiana Jones" bag - ie, a new messenger bag, though this one is a step up from the J.Crew one I got him a few years back... it's a nice Tumi one.  I think, I hope, he likes it!  

Our Christmas day has been mellow.  Gifts were opened within an hour and the kids immediately started to play the wii u with the new games they opened today.  I proceeded to put together not one, not two, but three lego sets (thank you for the help boys!) and supposedly will be putting together yet another before we head to bed tonight (and tomorrow the BIG Lego Police set which I'm going to suspect is at least a 9 bagger).  Josh made German potato pancakes for brunch and is making a rib roast now for dinner - it smells delish!

Our delicious potato pancakes!!  

It's been a great Christmas overall.  Everyone getting along.  Calls home.  Great gifts, great time with family and an overall mellow low key day spending time together with no pressure of work or of life, just relaxing.  Just the way I like it.  I miss our families and our friends today but thankfully Facebook and the phone are keeping us in touch and maybe, just maybe, next year we'll be there to celebrate with you!  

So from all of us over here in Barcelona to all our friends and family here and at home - Feliz Navidad, Merry Christmas and Happy Wednesday :)  

Besos,

Julie

Believing

It's that time of year.  The holidays.  It's one of my favorite times of year and admittedly it's all because of Christmas.  This is ironic because by birth, technically I'm Jewish.  But there has always been something about Christmas that draws me in.  It's not the birth of Christ or anything religious mind you. But it's the spirit and magic of the holiday.  The lights.  The decorations.  The beauty of snow covered trees (at home, obviously not here as it doesn't snow) with the lights twinkling under them.  It's the fantasy of knowing that while something is not technically real, it feels real.

And it's way over commercialized today.  I absolutely 1000x agree that these days, the holiday no longer is quite as mystical as it used to be.  And here is yet another pro of living in Spain.  We are living in a bubble here.  Yes there is some commercialism here but no where near the extreme of what we see in the US.  A holiday is still a holiday and while some stores tried to recreate Black Friday here with shops open at extended hours, they are still closed on the holidays.  And only for a few Sundays per year are they open - ironically it's this time of year.  But regardless, it's minimal compared to what we have at home.  Kids get less here and actually Christmas isn't even a very big holiday, though it's getting more Americanized.  Three Kings is bigger and more celebrated during the first week of January.

Regardless, I'm lucky to say that the kids are spared some of the commercialism, competition and overstimulation of the holidays by living here.  And in a way, it's also allowed us to continue with the belief in Santa Claus.

But we're on the verge over here in the Marcus household.  Aidan's 9 1/2 now and for the last year or so he's been having his doubts on Santa's existence.  Each time he brings it up, I blow it off.  And he hasn't questioned me when I do (and he's the kind of kid that if he truly believes in something, he'll be right up your butt telling you why he's right until he breaks you down) which makes me think he's not 100% confident about whether Santa is real or not.

So why not just tell him at this point?  I've never lied to him before about anything.  If anything, I'm one of those parents that tells their children probably a little too much.  To me, it's about the innocence of childhood.  Of believing in the magic that someone you can't see or talk to is real.  That you believe that he is able to fly all around the world, never missing a child and showing them that they have been good by giving them presents.  Once they no longer believe, there is something that is gone forever.  I recognize that Aidan has not been a baby for a long time but there is just something very big kid about no longer believing and I want to keep that innocence for just a little bit longer.

Kids grow up too fast these days and yet live a much more sheltered life than we did as kids.  Seeing your child's eyes light up with the excitement and joy when they see the presents under the tree when they wake up - it warms your heart like little else. Seeing a child on that first Christmas when they understand the concept of Santa is magical, somewhere around the age of 3.  Seeing the belief in their eyes brings tears to mine.  

I get that they have to grow up and let's be realistic, it's easier for me if they don't believe - no more disguising my handwriting, special wrapping paper or hiding the gifts. We could go away for Christmas and I wouldn't worry about how to recreate Christmas somewhere else.  But it's worth it to see the wonderment in their eyes. The excitement of knowing that Santa believes in them as well and the good in them. Because all kids need to be reminded of that good. I'm one of many that holds Christmas over the kids' heads telling them that if they aren't good then Santa won't come. It's probably not the most effective method to get a child to behave but as a parent you often find yourself grasping at straws in those weak moments. But the point is children need to believe that they are intrinsically good. 

We are at a crossroads right now with Aidan.  Currently he's on the cusp of not believing.  This is not a bag thing as it's a sign of him growing up but on the flip side, it also saddens me think that we are the end of the stage of innocence for children to just believe without questioning. 

I had planned a magical moment for Christmas in the hopes of pushing this belief out just one more year, of keeping the magic and innocence for just another 12 short months of his lifetime.  Josh and I purchased a wii u despite the fact that we told the kids there was absolutely no way that they we would be buying this before we move back to the States. We were at a point where when they would ask (again) we would tell them absolutely not and if they would ask one more time they would not be getting it, even when we move back to the States.  I felt we were really convincing.  

My plan for Christmas morning was to leave only the lights on the tree on and then of course, the light of the TV which would have their new Skylanders game on and a big bow on the wii u.  It was going to be that ahhhh I believe moment!  They were going to come downstairs and freak out.  But all of that was undone Thanksgiving when Aidan and his friends decide to play game of hide and seek, a completely innocent game that ended up turning everything on its ear. 

During Thanksgiving Aidan approached me and asked me "Mom, may I speak with you privately?". Now normally something like this would make me laugh; I mean really asking to speak with me in private?  My first thought was he was coming to tattle on somebody.  I did not expect the rest.  "Mom you purchased us a wii u didn't you?"  My heart sank.  I felt in that moment that the innocence of childhood was gone.  I asked him if he'd said anything to his brother.  "Of course," he said.  Well that figures. 

So now how in the world and I going to fix this and make him a believer still just the one more year? Or do I just let it go and think this is the moment he becomes a big kid with the baby is no longer there despite the fact is nine years old now?  I'm not ready yet.  I know he's no longer baby.  He hasn't been a baby for a long time.  However that doesn't mean that I don't still want him to have that innocence that magic in his life.  But he caught me off guard and I wasn't prepared for this moment.  So I did the best I could on the fly, which probably isn't my best.

So I told him that I had lied.  But that I haven't lied to him about the existence of Santa.  I had only lied to him about what he brings.  I told him Santa has a lot of children to bring toys to each year and that he can't bring large toys like the wii u to every single child.  It just isn't realistic.  He seemed to buy it, for now.

I wonder if it's okay to tell this white lie.  Will he be angry when he figures out the truth?  That he knows I lied right to his face?  Or will he understand my reasoning behind my lie?  And can we learn something from this?  Can I take this lie and make a lesson for them about Santa and giving and getting them to better understand that this is why we should give to others during the holiday season (and really, all year)?  Because Santa can't do it all?  Or will Santa not being able to do it all make him no longer real to them?  

Children grow up far too young these days.  Their years of innocence is getting shorter and shorter.  Is it too much to ask for them to have just a little bit more time just believing?  I guess in this case we are just going to have to wait for Christmas morning to see what happens.  Til then...

Besos,

Julie

Thankful...

We obviously don't have Thanksgiving here in Spain.  After all, last I checked, the Spaniards had nothing to do with settling in America... oh well, they did have Christopher Columbus who discovered America.  But I guess that doesn't count.  Anyways, Thanksgiving isn't a holiday here and I don't expect it will be.

However, that doesn't mean we don't still celebrate.  Just a little differently.  First off, we don't do it on Thursday.  The kids have school and Josh has work, this year in Amsterdam so it's not even like he's close enough to celebrate in the evening.  Regardless, we shift our Thanksgiving to the Saturday after - my thought is that it shouldn't matter when we celebrate a day of giving thanks as long as we do it!

The bonus about doing Thanksgiving in Barcelona is that everything is open the day of our celebration so if we forget something, we can go get it.  Though these days, that still seems to be the trend in the US unfortunately.  Don't even get me started on Black Friday this year, it's a disgrace.

Anyways, I ordered our turkeys a week before we needed them.  I go the same chicken/turkey lady each year.  The process seems to get easier and easier each year.  The first year was all about describing that I want this huge bird and I want it without a head, without feathers and totally cleaned.  The second year was a bit easier though she was confused on the dates as she didn't realize that the date changes each year.  This year, it took me about 30 seconds - how big?  how many?  Done.  Put down my 10 euro deposit and off I went.

On the Friday before our big day, we did all our prep.  We ran errands which included picking up our very fresh 10 lb turkeys.  Why not get a 20 lb one and get it over with?  Well, because the ovens here can't fit them and nor can our grill which is how we prepare them.  So two turkeys it is.  I had taken Janice and Richard to La Boqueria which is the largest open market in Barcelona but we hadn't made any purchases so it was fun to take them to our local market where they could see the turkey lady plucking the last of the feathers off our freshly killed turkeys.  And then head over to the cheese/meat kiosk to get all our cured meats and cheeses - that alone was about 30 mins!!

After doing some baking and cooking when we got home, we were pretty much set for Saturday.  All the big things were done or started so we wouldn't have to rush on Saturday morning (or get up at the crack of dawn).  The kids still had their tennis lessons so we chauffeured them back and forth in between the last of our preparations for the fiesta starts at 2!

Turkey lady trimming up our turkeys and taking off the last of the feathers.

One of my favorite things about Thanksgiving here is that with no family close by (though this year my aunt and uncle are here!), we've had to "create" our family.  And while I certainly love my family and look forward to Thanksgiving each year, there is something about getting to choose who we celebrate with that makes it a little different and special.  That we have people here that have become our surrogate family with whom we share this special day.  They come from all walks of life - some are friends from Josh's work, some from school and some are friends that we've made in our 4 years of living here in Barcelona.  It's a nice mix.

And for that I'm thankful. We are incredibly lucky to have this life and we fully recognize that.  While this year's Thanksgiving wasn't the all nighter of 2012, we still had a great time.  The weather was unseasonably cold (but don't worry, we've gone back up to the upper 50s ;)) so we had to stay inside unlike last year where we ate dinner up on the roof.  Thankfully we've got a decent sized living room and were able to squish everyone in.

We included some of Aidan's friends this year as well.  It meant a lot to him to have a few buddies as he always ends up the token big kid at these kind of events and it's not his favorite role to play. However, on the flip side, in an intense game of hide and seek with his friends, he came across his Christmas presents - a wii u more specifically.  Ok, I'm not so thankful for that part.  Oh and the part where he told Liam what he found.

But anyways, Josh had such rave reviews last year about his grilled turkey that he decided this year to not just grill one turkey but both (last year one was in the oven).  Once again they were a big hit.  We had more food than we knew what to do with.  One of my Spanish friends just can't understand why we end up with so much food and I tried to explain to him that that is just Thanksgiving - lots and lots of food, Macys Thanksgiving Day parade, football and a turkey coma.  It's part of the appeal.

Turkeys on the grill

Thanks to Stephanie for most of these pictures as I didn't take any!!

Steph, Mia and baby Jordi!

Soooo much food!

Me and baby Jordi!!

Josh carving the turkey

Some of the delicious desserts

Watching Thanksgiving TV

Kids playing and eating

Once again it was a great mix of friends and family.  Some new friends, some I hadn't even met before that day.  And others friends since we got here.  It was a great group with lots of camaraderie and I couldn't be more thankful than to have each and every one of them in our lives.

Besos,
Julie

Holiday Visitors

Living 4000 miles away from family is tough enough during the year, but the holidays often times can make it even more difficult.  While I love our Spanish Thanksgiving each year with all our ex-pat and local friends here, I was especially excited to have some family visiting with us too!!

Whenever I go home, my aunt and uncle always make the time to see myself and the kids - throwing a family bbq to get everyone together.  And it's such a great homecoming to see them and everyone else. But part of what makes it even better for me is that before their visit, I actually didn't feel like I knew them very well - so for them to go out of their way for the boys and I each year when we are home has been especially sweet.  And it is always a great opportunity to spend some time with them and get to know them better.

So when Meghan and I were talking about visits and looking for flights for her, she brought up her parents visiting and I told her absolutely - I want them to come visit us!!  And right around the same time my parents' trip was booked, so was theirs.  That meant a family visit in September, October and November - not to mention Josh's parents visit earlier this year.

Their timing for me was perfect.  With the Thanksgiving holiday that week, I knew that work would be relatively slow, enabling me to focus my time and attention on them.  It was their first trip to Europe so I wanted to make it fun, not overwhelming and full of memories.

We did all the typical tourist stuff that I do with all our guests - The Cathedral, Casa Battlo, Sagrada Familia and Parc Guell.  We walked all around the city backwards and forwards.  We even did La Pedrera which I personally had never done before (and honestly of all Gaudi's works, it was the one I really didn't like).

Janice and Richard in front of the Cathedral

At Parc Guell

Sagrada Familia

La Pedrera

And while we walked non-stop all day, we also talked non-stop.  Like I said, I didn't really feel like I knew my aunt and uncle well before they came, but this trip changed that.  I feel like I bonded with them more than I ever had and that time to me is precious.  I'll admit I was a little worried before they arrived for fear that we wouldn't have enough to talk about and that our time together would be awkward but in the end, nothing could be further from the truth.  Everything flowed better than I could have imagined.  

Evenings were the same.  We only got out one night for dinner and it was a fabulous meal at Can Recasens.  During the week I tried to introduce them to local food as much as I could.  We had tapas, jamon and all kinds of cheeses and so much more.  But anyways, back to the evenings.  The nights passed by so quickly - after a day of touring all around, we would talk well into the evening as well.  

Our last day together was our traditional Thanksgiving.  After prepping all day on Friday where they got to join Josh and I on our shopping excursions to prepare for the big day.  And as you probably know, that means several stores - the mercado for meats and cheeses, the fruit and veggie stand, the supermarket. But once again we were able to immerse them in our lives here and show them how differently we live compared to home in the States.  

On Thanksgiving morning (which for us is Saturday, more on that later), while Josh and I ran last minute errands and took the kids to tennis, Janice and Richard ventured out to the Christmas markets which started that morning.  Thanksgiving was fabulous and I was sad to see them leave on Sunday morning - back to reality for all of us!  Thanks again for visiting!!

Aunt Janice at the Christmas market

Besos,

Julie

The Single Life (Hahaha!)

I often say I'm in single parent mode when Josh is away but lately I've been thinking about that and it's made me appreciate just how hard single parents out there work.  I've got a new appreciation for how difficult it is to be a single parent these days.  Up til now, I've been fortunate that Josh rarely travels for work.  Given that many of the parents, more specifically the dads, at the boys' school travel almost weekly or at the least, much more significantly than Josh was, we'd been lucky til now.  I would only have to go into single parent mode a few days every 6-8 weeks and then for 10 days a few times a year when Josh would travel to the States.

I would actually look forward to those short trips.  Why, I don't know.  Absence makes the heart grow fonder?  Quiet time for myself?  Watching whatever I feel like on tv (we only have one)?  Whether it meant working late into the evening, working on a puzzle or a photo album or emailing with friends, it was just quiet "me" time. It's not one particular thing but I always found that when Josh would go away, we would work harder at communicating with each other, putting in that little extra bit of effort into our relationship.  He would come home and things would feel refreshed.

By not having him around now 5 days a week, it's not just his presence in the house that we miss, though of course, we miss that too.  But I also miss having a partner to help me with the kids and household tasks.  I'm certainly more vigilant about cleaning up after a meal before I sit down for the night because once I sit down, I'm not going to want to do it.  And I prep the lunch boxes the night before.  I take the boys upstairs to brush their teeth (we usually read downstairs).  None of these things are huge things but they take time and energy and not having someone to share in those tasks can be exhausting.

Josh does a lot around this house.  I'm really lucky that he helps out as much as he does.  And it's not that he shouldn't do these things because like me, he is a part of this house and I work as well.  But given my flexibility with my hours and the fact that I work from home and can easily multi task between projects, he participates more than I would normally expect (and definitely more than he ever did when we lived in the States).  He makes the kids lunches on the days he doesn't run, does laundry before he leaves in the morning, does the dishes each night and of course, helps with the kids.  That's in addition to working a 12 hour day.  He never complains.

But beyond having Josh helping out in the house, it's just lonely here without him here.  He's not a big talker most nights, but then neither am I.  We're usually both pretty exhausted from our day.  But sitting next to him on the couch as we watch our favorite shows, there is just a calm that falls over my chaotic day and I feel at peace with him.  We don't need to say much, just being with each other is enough.

I find that with Josh not here, I isolate myself even more than I do on a good day.  Being self employed, I'm often by myself 95% of the time during the day up until I get the kids.  I go to the gym in the AM and socialize a little bit there, go to the grocery store and beyond that, for the most part, I'm home... alone.  I look forward to the kids getting home... you know until the get in the car or off the bus and start bickering.  Then I yearn for my solitude again ;)

We are now mid way thru week 4 of this single life.  I still have at least 5 more months of this to look "forward" to.  There are days when I don't know if our relationship can take this or if I can take another week by myself with the boys.  But then we push thru and talk about how this is going to make our lives better in the future.  That this is a great opportunity for Josh to spread his wings and I would never ever want to get in the way of that.

When he comes home after a long week away, I look forward to falling back into our normal routines. But something different has changed with the dynamic in the last two weeks.  In the past, I've always known that it's a quick trip and he's back and we just go on as normal.   But now when Josh leaves and I know that this is going to be the process for the next 6 months, something just snapped inside me and I felt lonely and even resentful.  I wasn't excited about having a few nights to myself.  Instead, I was alone in my thoughts.

But beyond that I feel a sense of resentment.  And it's unfounded because Josh is working incredibly hard, not just for himself but for us.  It's something I've explained time and time again to the kids lately when they ask why he can't be home.  I tell them that daddy is all by himself working hard for us and we are lucky to have each other so that we aren't alone.  But yet I still feel that little bit of resentment when he comes home on the weekend and wants to just jump in as normal - and jumping back in is what I want him to be able to do.  However, then I wonder, when do I get my "break"?  Because I'm still "on" all weekend as well.  It's a view I'm not proud of, but hey this blog is all about sharing of feelings so might as well be up front.

The kids miss Josh.  I don't blame them.  The good thing is that they have many friends in the same boat that they can commiserate with.  It's unlikely that it would have been like that at home in the States.  However, I think it is making them appreciate their time with Josh much more - they know they have limited time with him each week.  They are getting better about connecting over the phone, though Aidan still isn't a big fan of talking on the phone - but he's getting better.  However, I need to learn patience with them and to expect outbursts more often as they are also emotionally adjusting to the changes in our lives.

Regardless, it's going to be a long haul over the next several months.  Not only are we in limbo with our lives, but our routines are off.  I'm sure that as we settle in to new routines that things will flow much better and it won't seem so foreign to us having Josh away.  We've figured out his flight schedule - or what we hope will work out.  We know that it will get tweaked along the way based on meetings, holidays, trips, etc, but overall the plan is for him to leave on Sunday nights and return home on Thursday nights.  This week, of course, is the exception as he won't be back til Saturday AM since he has meetings all Friday.  Actually so far he's only made it back on Thurs once, but it's a work in progress.

And in the meantime, I talked with Josh about my need to increase my social activity as well.  I tend to get into my routines and will isolate myself, especially in the winter.  But now that not only are my days alone, but my evenings (kids are in bed by 8), I need to be more aware of my social life.  I've already planned a brunch with some girlfriends once a week and need to put more effort into having friends over for dinner at least once a week.  It's all about adjusting and it will happen in time...

So as I plug away at housework, regular work, planning meals, etc - I want to give a shout out to all my single parent friends out there.  You guys are amazing and deserve some praise!

Besos,
Julie