Heading South to Marbella (Spain)

Today we left for yet another trip, this time to Marbella and Gibraltar.  As I write this at 10:30 on Saturday night I have to say, we are off to a great start!!  Our flight wasn’t til 5 tonight and so we just chilled out during the day at home and let the kids skip their tennis lessons – it looked like it was going to rain anyways so why tempt fate?

As we were getting out of our cab, the boys started wrestling.  Then all of a sudden Aidan was crying and I couldn’t figure out why.  Then I saw the blood.  It took me a minute.  Turns out that Liam knocked one of Aidan’s very loose teeth even looser.  So off we went to the bathroom.  We washed his mouth out with water and the tooth came out.  It was covered in blood so I went to rinse it since they don’t have papertowels in most bathrooms in Spain (it’s a very eco friendly country!), I had no choice but to use the sink.  Unfortunately the spray was a little too strong and despite my best efforts, the tooth ended up going down the drain.  I felt sooooo bad!!!  I told Aidan the tooth fairy will come anyways as long as he writes a note to her (which he has done and is waiting on the desk in the hotel).  A good and bad way to start our trip – a lost tooth and well, a lost tooth!

Our flight was relatively non eventful, albeit a bit bumpier than I like… ok a lot bumpier than I would like.  It didn’t help that the old guy sitting next to me would verbally freak out (in Spanish of course) every time we hit some turbulence.  Josh was with the boys in the row ahead of me and they were fantastic.  They were not phased by the turbulence, ah the joys of ipad and iphone! 

We got to Malaga Airport, got our rental car and hit the road.  By now it was close to 8PM and dark out so it meant navigating the roads (which are likely beautiful in the light) in the dark.  And of course our GPS didn’t work right away so a good thing that I came with a map and directions already printed thanks to Google Maps!  Aidan was super excited to see a shooting star on the way and it put him in the most fabulous mood.  Based on my last entry, I’ve been excited about this trip since he has just been so positive these days.  Our hotel was kind of off the beaten path and so it took us a bit to find it – we passed it once and had to backtrack on the highway again to get to it.  But once we got here, we weren’t disappointed!

We arrived at the Melia Marbella Banus in Puerto Banus (next to Marbella) and we loved it right off the bat!  We could hear the live music, albeit it was from the 60s, like My Girl and Leaving on a Midnight Train to Georgia, but it was American music and it was live.  We checked in and they not only gave each of the kids a stuffed dolphin, but they gave them a passport book.  It had one stamp in it already and they told the boys to fill out their name, age and parents names and to get it stamped each time they went somewhere in the hotel – the bar, the restaurant, the kids club, etc – and they would get a stamp.  I never thought Aidan would get so excited about this – normally he would have been “oh this is so stupid” but he immediately grabbed a pen, wrote his name, age and asked for help in spelling our names.  The passport book did not leave his hands all night!

We had dinner in the buffet restaurant which was ok – it was nice that they grilled meat for you on the spot – Josh had sausage, I had chicken and Aidan had some fish – but nothing super exciting.  We checked out the hotel grounds shortly after and then went off grounds towards the beach.  However Liam started freaking out because it was dark so we turned back.  All in all, it’s been a good evening, which is really how long we’ve been away so far!

Tomorrow, Sunday, is Gibraltar, and we are super excited about it!!  Monkeys, caves and a dolphin tour!!!  Can’t wait!!

Julie

Aidan's Transformation

I've been hesitant to write this entry because not only is it very personal but I also don't like publicizing issues related to the kids where it will be out there forever, but I feel that the time is now appropriate since things here have been on such an upswing these days. And I hope that Aidan someday realizes that this was in no way a slight against him but a part of the transitional process of moving here to Barcelona.

We were all affected by this move in some way or another but none more so than Aidan. When we were deciding whether or not to go after this opportunity of living abroad, he was our biggest concern. He was more ingrained in our neighborhood than we were (hard to believe given how much I talk about home) and already had started in the public school system.

To pull him away from his friends, his family and his school was a huge concern, but we felt the long term benefits would outweigh the cons. So we decided to move forward with the move to BCN. He shocked us both by being such a trooper about pretty much everything. He loved school right away and made some new friends. He liked the city life as well. Overall he seemed like a well adjusted kid and we couldn't be happier.

But then we took a turn for the worse. It was probably about a year ago. He was angry all the time. Throwing tantrums I would expect from his little brother but not from him. Swearing and even at times acting out physically. There was more but some thing do really need to remain private. But let's just say we were on a scary downhill spiral.

We chalked a lot of it up to frustrations at school. He is a very smart and inquisitive boy but he's always had to work very hard academically. We had him tested in the spring for a learning disability as things continued on their downward trend. Thankfully it was more of a memory issue - something we could work with. The bigger concern was that the therapist was worried that he might have early signs of childhood depression and / or an adjustment disorder. If you ask me, one begets the other.

Having a "name" for what was going on was helpful. At least it gave us some direction on how to move forward. Since it was the end of the school year and we knew we would be away for the summer we figured we would take things day by day and then have an action plan of how we would tackle things starting in September.  We went home for vacation a matter of weeks after we received the information from the therapist. And there we started to work back towards "normalcy".

When we were home this summer I saw my sweet, kind, caring little boy again. It literally brought tears to my eyes to see him again as I thought in a sense that we had lost him to this angry, frustrated, fresh boy. Knowing that he was in there somewhere really gave us some hope that we could make this a long term thing. And I don't know what has happened since but something triggered in him starting then and I'm beyond thrilled to say that the nice little boy I saw in the US this summer seems to be here to stay.

Yes we have had some bumps along the way but they seem to be those of a typical 7 year old. Homework has become pleasurable, or as much as homework can be pleasurable. He's working hard in school and the results are really showing these days and I'm amazed at how far he has come in just 2 months of school. We have great conversations. We play games together and talk about books and movies. The ultimate was last weekend when he leaned over, kissed me on the cheek and said "I love spending this time with you Mommy.". I'm tearing up just writing about it. I think it was my ultimate mom moment.

All of this makes me reflect back and think about this journey. It has affected us all in so many ways. Who knew that this kid that we thought had adjusted so well initially in actuality would take close to 2 years to get used to and be accepting of his new home. Change is hard but we have learned thru this how important it is to persevere, to keep pushing (at itimes probably too much), and to be accepting of the fact that the decisions we make aren't always the best for all of us no matter how good our intentions.

Believe it or not but he is working harder on his spanish too. I think he was so angry about being here that he had very little interest in the language or anything around here. But now he is constantly asking us to quiz him. He's even made mention several times lately about staying here longer. I think he is finally feeling like this is home. I know he misses "home home" and that's ok but it makes me so happy to know that he understands that we, his family, are home. I'm so thrilled to say these days that the angry kid is gone and I'd like to welcome a very happy, smiling Aidan back into the fold. We've missed you pal.

Our happy kid :)

Love
Mom

The Gym Saga Continues

So this morning I went to the gym as I normally do, right after dropping off the kids at the bus stop.  I was still fuming a bit about yesterday and feeling like I had been taken advantage of, even if it was unintentionally, or maybe it's because my Spanish still has further to go than I realized that made me angry??  Who knows... all I know is I went in this AM with a little less energy than I'd hoped for. 

As I was getting on the treadmill to do my 5k (in actuality I completed 6k so guess I had more energy than I realized), Ignaci came by to say hi.  He also asked me about my new Prestige Membership.  I told him I had no idea how I ended up with it and that originally I was doing the 10 months plus 3 free months but then this woman (can't remember her name) came up and starting doing all these numbers and basically convinced me to do the Prestige. I told him I didn't think it was something that was really going to benefit me since (a) I only go in the AM - if I'm not there by 9, I'm not coming that day (b) my gym is one block from my apartment, for what reason do I need access to other locations and (c) well, there is no C at the moment but I'm sure I can think of one later.  But I said for 20 euros more it is what it is. 

That's when the shock came... he said but it's not 20 euros more than what you paid last year.  In fact, it is 600 euros per QUARTER!  Are you f*cking kidding me?????  Seriously?  For what reason did she think this was a good deal for me.  The slammer on that one was that he also told me that it's usually for those over 40 so apparently I have aged in her eyes to much older than I am... or at least 4 years older than I am.  Regardless, even Ignaci told me that this is not a good fit for me. 

I got to the gym and apparently I must look those 40 years when I'm working out because Ignacio didn't recognize me, but then I also had showered so I guess that's a good thing right?  Regardless he spoke to the manager and then we waited...and waited...and waited.  At least I got a good intercambio in while I was waiting and he's a really nice guy to talk to.  Finally it was my turn (by myself - yikes) and it took less than 30 seconds and I didn't understand most of what the manager said - thankfully he had told her beforehand what needed to be done.  So I'm hoping, fingers are crossed, that I'm all set.  But in those 30 seconds she took both of my gym cards and then told me to come back tomorrow.  I'm going with the assumption, which can be dangerous I've learned, that she's going to fix it all by tomorrow.  If you see another post from me then once again I've failed in my ability to communicate. 

Speaking of communicating - my new Spanish class started yesterday and it went fantastic.  Gina and I loved our teacher who was incredibly animated and fun.  We laughed a lot and that made the learning process that much better.  Sadly, we think we only have her this week and then we switch to another teacher - we're going to ask her on Thursday and if that is the case, petition to get her to stay with us.  Will keep you posted!

Julie

Side note - it's now Thursday and I just had a great training session.  I'm down 2 lbs and am getting really motivated.  I worked hard and today for some reason felt much harder than last week even though many of the exercises I had done before but maybe it's just my muscles working harder.  Regardles, I truly think it's going to pay off in the end and I'm already feeling better than I was.  When you guys at home see me next summer I'm going to be in such better shape!!  And of course for Jay's wedding in May too :)  On the membership side, still have no idea what is happening.  The guy at the front desk let me in since he knows me and told me to come by after my training to take care of my card.  He keeps trying to convince me to stick with the Prestige but I said no thanks.  I went by after my training and still he had no idea what was going on and said that maybe tomorrow it will be fixed.  My concern is that I've already made the "first" payment and I want to make sure it is put towards my membership for next year and not this Prestige thing.  He told me not to worry, but I can't help it... it's who I am!  Off to Spanish class!!! 

Frustrated and Confused - Just a Day in the Life

It doesn't matter where you live, life can get frustrating.  But add in a language in which you are not fluent and that frustration can skyrocket.  Take today - I went to the gym with the intention of just doing a cardio run (which ended up being 4.5 miles, not bad).  My trainer came by to say hello and in our short, mostly English with some Spanish, conversation he mentioned that I needed to pay for my sessions with him for October. 

Now to my knowledge, and yes, that knowledge is limited because the information had been given initially in Spanish, I had 2 free sessions with my trainer that I was using in October and then would start the "real" ones in November.  Apparently that was not the case and he went up with me to the front desk where I received discounted sessions with him that I needed to pay for.  I didn't have my credit card on me (all I had was my keys, ipod and water bottle) and said I'd be back shortly to take care of it.

Fast forward 45 minutes and I'm back at the gym - ready to pay my 66 euros for my 2 sessions and while I'm at it, renew my membership which is up in December.  It took me a while to explain to the guy at reception that I needed to renew - last I checked socio was membership but maybe I'm wrong.  He spoke a tiny bit of English and I thought we were on the right track.  But then a woman showed up and he started to ask her rapid fire questions that I couldn't understand. 

She asks me how much I would like to pay for my membership... really, that's an option??  Kind of like you get what you pay for with insurance?  Isn't there some company out there advertising that for insurance?  Anyways, I tell her that right now I'm paying about 55 euros per month (which by the way, is about double what I paid for my membership in the States) and get to use the gym from 7-11 M-F.  Memberships here are based on your age and the time you go.  So I use the morning with extended hours and only on the weekdays.  That information when I signed up last year put me at 55 euros more or less, mas o menos.  Now that doesn't mean I want to pay 55 euros per month for my membership but looking back at the conversation I think that's what she thought (I get this mainly because when I left the gym I saw a sign saying sign up now staring at 24 euros per month). 

So she explains in Spanish (I am in Spain afterall) and does a bunch of math on a scrap piece of paper - first it was 680 minus around 138 euros which came out to 500 something euros.  I have absolutely no idea what the 138 euros was and I did not pay the 500 something euros so I really have no idea what that was for.  She said something about instead of paying 660 like before, I should pay 680 and I can get the Prestige Membership which is good at all of the DiR gyms in the city and I "thought" she said I could use with a friend or relative as well.  That kind of got me excited - the fact that I could change my membership for 20 euros essentially from one year to the next AND be able to use it WITH someone at ANY location, well, sure, sign me up.

But of course, that is not what she said.  Yes, I can go to any of the other locations but NO I cannot bring someone with me to use the card or hand off the card to Josh in the AM and have him go and then I can go.  What she apparently said was that I can transfer the membership to someone else.  So if I no longer want to be a part of DiR, I can give the membership to Josh and I will get some money back.  Oh and I can go any day of the week at any time of the day which I suppose would be a plus IF I ever went to the gym at any time other than 8AM.  But I don't - I'm a morning gym person - if I don't go first thing, I don't go. 

Let's recap.  So in the end, I get to use the gym any day or any time - which I'm unlikely to use.  I cannot bring a friend with me but I can give my membership to a friend someday if I want.  I paid 20 more euros than I paid last year and did not get any free months like I did the last time.  Yeah, I'm feeling screwed right about now.  I don't think they did it intentionally - they really don't seem slick like that - but I think they really thought this would be a good fit for me since I get more "benefits" for only 20 more euros than I paid before.  But what I'd really like is to pay the 24 euros per month and use the gym M-F from 7-9 or 7-11.  At least they gave me a free backpack and a free book (in Spanish of course)...

Off to Spanish class shortly and boy do I need it!!!!

Julie

The Reality - I'm Scared to Move Home!

Never in a million years would I have ever thought those words would come out of my mouth.  Never!  But it's true.  I finally realized yesterday that it's not guilt about leaving (which is interesting in and of itself because it was guilt in the opposite direction when we moved here - guilt about leaving the US, now it's guilt about leaving Spain), but an actual fear.  I've also read that often it can be just as hard to go back as it was to leave - and my friend Leigh made a good point yesterday - it's because you "know" it's going to be hard when you leave home to go somewhere new but that you "expect" it is going to be easy making the transition home and when it's not, in a sense it's even harder than leaving in the first place. 

Yesterday when I was visiting Leigh, who has spent the majority of her life living abroad, we were talking about when the time is right for us to move back home and what the "consequences" may be.  And I don't mean consequences in a bad way, but more so, what are the after effects of making that move.  It was that reality that made me realize that is fear that is keeping me from getting excited about going home.  I'm afraid that I will be disappointed in my choice to go back.

Now that doesn't mean that I don't want to go back.  I do.  I can't imagine living here forever.  I miss my friends, I miss my family, I miss my (by comparison) easy life.  But I also really have enjoyed (can't say loved - perhaps if I were a fluent Spanish speaker we could up it to love) our lives here.  We have changed the pace of our lives.  We have gone on adventures that we normally would not have gone on.  We have travelled to amazing places and seen things that some may never see in a lifetime much less in under two years.  And we have challenged ourselves in ways that we never would have thought to challenge.  We have taken on these challenges differently than we do in the States and they also reflect how we've changed over the course of time.  Things that I thought made life difficult at home do not compare to what makes my life difficult here.  It's opened my eyes for sure. 

So if my life is so "hard" why not come back home?  Well, I plan to!  But like I said, I'm a bit scared!  After accomplishing so much here and seeing such wonderous places, I hate to say it, but I'm afraid I will be disappointed in my life at home.  My life that I was so completely satisfied and happy with before I left, my life that I do miss all the time.  But yet, looking back or perhaps looking back with what I know now, that life wasn't as fulfilling as I thought it was.  If we hadn't come to Europe, I have no doubt I would have continued on as is and not have given a thought to what we were missing and would have been just as content.  But now that we have had these experiences, what will my life be like now?

In a sense my life will feel ordinary.  My friends will still be my friends, my family still my family.  But after 3 1/2 years away they will have heard enough about our adventures overseas and probably won't really care to rehash it unless they are looking for travel advice in Europe.  We'll have to settle back into our lives.  Sports (though we do those here too), commuting to work (Josh), maintaining the house and going back to our routines - Cape - Attleboro - Cape - Attleboro.  No, it's not a bad life at all and by no means am I complaining about the things that we've been so lucky to have.  But it's the routine of our lives that are ho hum at home.  We don't travel a lot, we spend summers on the Cape which we absolutely love.  We do fun things with the kids all the time, albeit it's pretty much all done locally.  And it's all stuff we can go back to at any time.

Is it that I want to stay longer in Europe?  No, not necessarily.  If we need to, then we'll figure that out as we go along and I'm not against it, but I'm also not 100% for it either - at some point we need to fish or cut bait and go home. 

Is it the travel that we'll miss?  Yeah absolutely we'll miss the travel - no doubt about it.  But we also want to travel in the US more when we go back, though it won't be as often since it's significantly more expensive to travel at home than here (for your comparison - I booked us a flight to Basel, Switzerland for under 45 euros each which is about a 2 hour flight - when I looked into going home for Xmas and flights to Disney on Southwest the tickets were $250 each for a flight that's barely an hour longer...hmmmm Switzerland or Disney, what would you choose?). 

Is it the fear that the routine of my life at home will be boring compared to my routine here?  Absolutely - my routine here, while nothing exciting by any means (grocery shopping, lunch with friends, the gym) since it's comprised of similar things that I would do it home, is more of a challenge to me, in part, ok mostly because of, the language barrier.  And while it's a frustrating challenge most of the time, it's also something that makes me want to better myself.  And while it would be nice to be fluent in another language, I also won't be sad to go back home and speak only English.  Kind of a catch-22 I guess. 

Is it a fear of regret?  Yup absolutely on that one too.  Once we make the final decision to go home, that's it, no turning back.  And that's a little daunting to me.  Because while it will be exciting leading up to the time to go home, it will also mean that our lives in Europe are coming to a close... for good.  That's it, finito, done.  And will we look back and wish, well what if we'd just stayed another year?  or two?  Will the kids be ready to go?  Aidan the other day told me that he'd like to stay for just one day of 4th grade.  He defines his time here by grade - originally he was staying here until halfway thru 2nd grade (this Dec).  Then when we extended he knew he was staying until the end of 3rd grade.  So when I asked him about why he wanted to stay for just one day, his reply was "because I want to see if I like it and if I don't then we'll just go home".  Yes, he is on the fence too I sense.  Though I had to explain to him in general terms how much is involved in our transition back home and that unfortunately it's a situation where he either takes a chance and does all of 4th grade or we go back home but that we cannot just do one day.  But wouldn't it be nice as the adults to be able to work that way?  To be able to do just take it that one extra day - day by day - and see how it goes?  To not have to plan a year in advance as to what our future will be? 

My fear is that we will make a decision and that it won't be the right one.  That we stay and wish we had gone home or that we go home and wish we had stayed.  At what point do you know what's right for you?  Or do you just jump in and hope for the best??? 

Julie

Back to "School"

I am always at my best when my schedule is packed full of things that need to be accomplished.  Whether social, work or commitments for the kids, I like to keep busy.  So this fall I told myself I was going to focus on work - that I wouldn't over do my social calendar like I did last year, my first year of "freedom" with both kids in school full time.  Only since I'm not out as much, I'm finding myself with more free time and therefore, not quite as motivated as I am when I'm scrambling to get things done.  Go figure.

My friend Gina had asked me to take a Spanish class with her this fall.  I had said I'd look into it but again, I'd lacked in some motivation. So I finally said, let's just go to together and get signed up.  And while it didn't pan out exactly as we'd hoped, in the end it will work out and on Tuesday I go back to school again.  I took a class last spring but it was the Aula 1 - beginners book, mainly to see exactly where I am and at the time didn't feel I was ready for more.  This time I'm going for Aula 2 which would seem like a natural progression.  I'm interested to see how far I've come and if this book comes as easily to me as the last one did.  Of course most of the last one I had learned in high school.  It will also be a nice challenge because I think Gina and I are around the same level, actually, she is likely further ahead than me.  And the competitive side of me says, that's a great challenge - to do as well if not better.  So I'm really looking forward to the class! 

My other "class" that I will be taking is not really a class but a personal training session each week.  So I guess I'm working on both my body and my mind these days.  Maybe it will make me a more well rounded person.  I had a personal trainer for a while back in the States and what a world of difference it made in my workout routine.  I do go to the gym at least 3 times per week but up til the last few weeks my focus has been on cardio which is doing nothing for my butt, abs or elephant arms.  So I've been trying to redistribute that focus and start doing the weights and machines again.  Hopefully Ignacio can help me along in the right direction!

My first session with him was today and I expect to be feeling pretty sore tomorrow.  My previous experience with a trainer definitely came in handy since many of the things he had me do I had done before or had done something similar and not to pump up my ego because I have a long way to go, but he was very surprised at how well I did and that I was willing to continue to push hard.  I felt like I wasn't starting at square one but perhaps square 4 which was a really good feeling and most definitely motivating!!  And while I don't dread going to the gym on a daily basis, I don't necessarily look forward to it either - but I think now I'll have a bit more motivation!

So my schedule is filling up, a good thing.  It's nice to have a lot on my plate and it will help me to keep my focus as well.  And if my Spanish can improve even more AND I can get myself in better shape, well, that's a win win for sure!!

On a side not, completely not related to any classes, but a funny story nonetheless that happened today.  I went to visit my friend Leigh in Premia de Mar and had a great day with her and her two adorable little girls.  I left a little later than planned and was speed walking to the train.  The train would have been coming from behind me and so as I'm walking I turned and looked behind me to see if it was coming or if I had time to walk at a "normal" pace.  Perhaps I should have just focused on the road ahead because I slammed myself into a metal pole - hard.  To the point where I bounced off it, mostly with my head and knee.  Yeah, I was that person... so I'm thinking maybe not all the soreness tomorrow will be from my workout!!

Julie

Distance

This is a post that I actually wrote a few weeks ago and forgot to post so the time stamp should actually be from September... 

Many days I don't feel all that far away from home.  After all with technology I can reconnect pretty easily and quickly - Facebook, Skype, email - have all been my bridge to home and makes me feel connected with everyone there.  However, there are times when technology can't help just how far away we are.

Over the last year and 9 months we've had times where the distance feels like eons away.  Where it makes us feel separated from friends and family and quite honestly, we feel helpless.  This week is a good example.  One of my closest friends from home lost her dad this week.  I knew her dad and adored him.  More than anything I'd like to be there for her and support her beyond a phone call or an email.  A few weeks ago another friend lost his dad - same thing... technology just isn't enough.

Often times it's moments like those that technology can't help me.  Where I feel helpless to be there to support our friends and family.  Last year Josh and I lost a dear friend of ours and with the cost of last minute flights and the time/distance, we couldn't make it back in time for his funeral.  It was heartbreaking.  We've had family with health issues that thankfully have passed but we weren't able to be there when we wanted to be there to support them, not an easy thing.  Another of my closest friends suffered from a brain AVM and the first thing I wanted to do was hop on a plane to go home to support her and her family. 

When we talked about moving here, one of my biggest concerns was the distance in the case of an emergency.  We rationalized that they were unlikely to happen and if so, not to happen often in just 2 years.  Well we are here for 3 1/2 years and unfortunately we've had at least a few times where the distance is almost unbearable. 
So how to deal with it?  I guess it's just one of those things that becomes a chance you take by moving away.  We could have moved to California and been just about as far away as we are now.  Do you not leave the nest because there is a risk of something that could happen at home?  Or do you just hope for the best and decide that it is your life and that you need to live that life rather than stay home and wait for the what if in life? 

But regardless of how far away we are, I just hope everyone knows how much we love them, miss them and will support you as best that we can, even from half a world away! 

Julie