We're on the plane back to Boston. Finally... It's been such a long week and yet, it's really only been 4 days if you count our day of travel to get here. We've just barely adjusted to our new time difference and now it's time to change things up again and head back home. I miss the kids terribly. I miss our friends too. And of course, our family. And right now, I already miss the Barcelona weather of 70 degrees because I hear there may be snow in Boston when we arrive!! Grrrr.....
I'm handwriting this all in a notebook as I'm on the plane. Josh thinks I'm crazy that I'm writing my blog out in my notebook before putting it online. But since I don't have a computer handy at the moment, this is my only way to do it while it's all fresh on my mind.
So anyways, as I sit here on the second leg of our trip from Dublin to Boston - the much longer leg of the trip, I realize how much this back and forth to Spain is going to suck and it's going to suck even more with kids, though maybe it will go by faster since I will need to entertain them. It's not exactly a short trip. Though to my friends who want to visit, I say, hey, it's super fast...don't let the plane ride deter you from coming!!
Communicating with home this week was a bit of a challenge but I think it will be much easier once we are established in Spain and have a routine going. The internet connection was terrible at the hotel and I was using web based email instead of my outlook which seems to work faster. And since we were constantly on the go we didn't get to check the time much to see if it was ok to call home at that point or not. I think it's going to be relatively easy to stay in touch with our friends and families thru email, facebook and the phone. The challenge is going to be Aidan and his friends. 5 days a week he's in school 8:30-4 and when he gets home from school, his friends will be in school. And they won't be home from school until 10PM our time and obviously he will be in bed by then. So he won't be able to call them most likely except for the weekends. I feel badly for that since I know it's important that he stay in touch with everyone regularly. I hope all of your kids will send him letters (I'll send the address before we leave) and we'll set up an email address for him or else you can use ours. I know he'll send letters back home too. It's especially important that he stay in touch since he will be coming back home in 2 years to the same neighborhood, so it's not like he's moving away for ever.
So anyways, the flight from Barcelona to Dublin was uneventful though thought provoking. This week has understandably been an emotional rollercoaster. Everything is starting to come to a head and is happening very fast. We've been preparing for this day for well over a year when the opportunity was first presented to us. We've been purging and packing for 6 months (yet my house looks no different and I still have a way to go - says a lot for the crap we had here). And yet, suddenly this is all so real and quite honestly, it's scary. Very scary. I'm terrified for that matter. This week just reinforced that. I am going to be living in a foreign country, where let's be honest, I can barely speak the language at this point, no matter how much I've been studying. And I'm not doing this by myself but with my family - with my two young kids who will be just as scared and confused as I am and I'm going to have to set that fear aside in order to be strong for them and enable them to survive. 99% of the time it will be up to me to communicate - Josh will be at work all day in an English speaking workplace. I find myself near tears a lot lately (and to be honest cry as I write this but only for a moment - it felt good to get it out). Have we made the right decision? I feel like we have and yet I think understandably, I have doubts. To stay would no doubt be the easier option. To go is most definitely an opportunity and a challenge that we are embracing. So don't get me wrong, we will go, but I'm scared. Neither Josh nor I have ever lived outside Massachusetts, much less the country! There are going to be some significant changes to our lifestyle. I think we will grow from the experience, I keep telling myself that and will find a way to convince myself. Regardless, this is happening at this point - there is no turning back no matter how much of a basketcase I've become. I'm snappish and angry a lot - and my poor kids have had to suffer the brunt of that which is unfair. I know it's just my emotions getting the best of me and it's not their fault. I keep telling myself that it will be a lot easier once we are there, unpacked and back to our so-called regular life. Only it won't really be our regular life any more. It will become our regular life though. Just the idea of how to get Aidan to the bus stop in the morning seems like a daunting task to me. Because it's not a traditional school, they don't have bright yellow school buses. It's a regular city bus that is chartered for the school. How am I going to know exactly which bus is his and what if I'm on the wrong corner of the street and they go by?? I know this all sounds minute and silly but it's stuff like this that stresses me. Josh doesn't get it but I think it's because it's not his problem is it? What if I'm a minute late for the bus? Or what if they come early? It's not like the bus can sit on a busy city street and wait right? The unknown does and always has put the fear of god in me.
Things like this are the stupid shit that take over my mind at night when I can't think of anything but the giant list ahead of me, the daunting task of packing, forms, kids, work etc etc. Yes, people move every day but I think it would have been easier to just sell both houses and go. I think that it's deciding what stays, what goes, what gets donated, renting the houses, moving mail, contracts, etc etc that is making this process all the more complex. Do I regret not selling it all to go to Spain? No, absolutely not. We love our home and our friends. I'm just saying it would have been much much easier (that's how much we love you guys!).
Ok, enough about how I feel. I'm feeling like I'm being a spoiled brat since most people would jump at an opportunity like this. And don't get me wrong, I'm thrilled at the opportunity we've been presented with and excited about the new adventures that we are going to have. I just wanted to touch upon the fact that while I am excited about it, I'm also quite scared. I think the best way to deal with it is that I keep saying, it's just 2 years... it's just 2 years. Yeah, we'll 2 years isn't exactly 2 months. It's still a long time. But it's not a lifetime and that's what I need to get my arms around, and I will. It will just take some time.
On a more positive note, I found that after just a few days in Barcelona that I was adjusting a little bit to the language. It's a bit exhausting when you have to focus so much more on what people are saying to try to interpret it unlike here where it's just a part of your natural functions during the day. It's not tiring to listen in your own native tongue. But when you have to actually sit there and try to translate it in your head as you are listening, it can get exhausting after a while. But the good news is, I was picking up on bits and pieces of conversation and understanding them, or at least the big picture of what people were saying. Could I communicate back? Absolutely not! I still have a long way to go. But it gave me a glimmer of hope that after just 2 days, I was comfortable using the few words that I knew, saying Perdone instead of Excuse Me when I needed someone's attention. Saying Gracias instead of Thank you. It just started coming naturally. I know it's just a few words, but the fact that I was instinctually saying them instead of having to think first, hey, I need to remember to say them in Spanish... to me that was an accomplishment in and of itself. Apparently I need to do some fast tracking on my Rosetta Stone in my "free time".
So far people have been really patient with the whole English/Spanish thing but I've really only communicated with the hotel staff (who work at an international hotel so it's their job to be multi-lingual) and cab drivers (and all they need is for me to point out an address on a piece of paper), and at the kid's school where the primary language is English so it wasn't an issue. So it will be interesting to see how people are once I actually get out there and need to talk to someone.
I know the kids are flexible and resiliant but now that I've had just a few days to try to communicate with people and have experienced the frustration of not being able to get my point across to someone, I can't help but wonder how this is going to affect the boys and their self esteem. Especially for Aidan. Will they jump right in and absorb it like sponges or will they shy away and pull into themselves in fear of the unknown? My hope is that it is the former but I guess we won't know til we get there.
My other concern, unrelated to the language is the flight. I know kids fly every day and fly long distances (like Colin & Tatum!) but as I write this I'm something like 6 hours into flying today and that doesn't count all the waiting at the airport and you know what? I'm fucking exhausted!!! I can't even imagine doing this with both kids? But like I said before, maybe because I will need to entertain them, it will make the flight go by faster. Let's hope! Though have you met Liam??? I've already told Josh, he's all his for the flight. The kid could bring a plane to its knees with one of his tantrums as well as with all his energy! I may need Benadryl! It may actually come to that!
My mom always told me that if you could build a house with someone, you had a pretty good, stable relationship. And while this upcoming move has not been all peaches and cream for Josh and I, we have not killed each other yet and actually made it thru these 3 highly stressful and emotional days without one argument. Now that could be because we were just too exhausted to fight. But I'd like to think that it speaks to our strength as a couple, as a team. And while I have not necessarily felt like a team thru this process til now (though talk to me in a few days as I actually write this), I see the pieces all coming together. We are like a well oiled machine, a flawlessly choreographed ballet. We know and predict each other's moves before they happen. And it is this bond that is going to make this trip a success. I'm sure there will be a pissed off word here and there but not every day can be all roses can it?
Julie
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