Starting over (again)...

I wasn’t planning on updating today, but I felt the need to put some positives “down on paper” so to speak. Looking back at my blog I feel there has been too much negativity and not enough positive thinking. We’ve now been here for 2 months and I have been reflecting on some of my time here. You know last week was ok. It wasn’t bad but it wasn’t great. I think I’ve been a bit depressed which is part of adjusting here - no, I don't think it's a long term depressed thing.  I think it's just a this is harder than I thought it would be thing. And so after much soul searching I’ve come to the conclusion that I can either take advantage of my time here or let Spain beat me down. I really don’t want it to be the latter. Yes, things are hard here. Yes, I get frustrated. Yes, things are going to take time. But I need to take charge of my life and that’s what I’m going to do this week. I’m taking back my independence and going back to the motivated person I was when I first started this journey. The person who listed off accomplishments as minor as finding a dry cleaner as a success. That person is in here somewhere and I need to find her again.


I keep talking about surviving here but what I need to do is to thrive here. Survival is having a roof over our heads, check… it’s having food in the fridge, check… it’s having healthy children, check. I CAN survive here and that’s a realization that is going to help me in the long run. I’m not going to die of starvation or out on the streets. It’s a matter of learning how best to communicate and how to get my every day needs fulfilled. I will not just survive but I will thrive here. Just because it’s hard doesn’t mean it’s bad and it doesn’t mean I can’t do it. I also need to realize that it’s been only 2 months, that’s barely 60 days. It’s not very long when you look at the big picture. I have set high expectations for myself and I need to lower that bar a bit for at least the time being.

The good news is I’m off to a good start this week. Today Aidan went back to school – I think he was as relieved as I was. We just butt heads too much. And we do well one on one but not as much when Liam is here. So Liam and I went back to more of a “normal” routine compared to having it be the three of us. And I accomplished things. Again, they aren’t big things. I found a trash can for my office. Yes a trash can was a big thing – I’ve been looking for one since we arrived, no joke. And unless I want to pay 100€ for a fancy one, I had to search one out. I also was on a mission for a can opener (you should have seen us trying to pry open the blueberry can for the blueberry muffins on Sun with a scissors and knife), some beach/sand toys for Liam, and possibly even a new ice cube tray (since the ones I spent forever looking for are cracked – though Kyle is sending us new ones but I need an intermediary one). I even found a safety lock for the kids’ window in their bedroom so we can hopefully open it with the warmer weather but not worry about them falling out of it (there are no screens here, not that they will keep them in either). And guess what? Got it ALL done!! Yeah, take that Spain!

So my goals this week. Take baby steps. Go back to when we first got here and realize that every day I’m here is an accomplishment and that all the small things I do are a part of that success. That not every day is going to be a good one but that it’s going to be what I make out of it – some days will be good and some will be bad but it’s up to me to make that decision. And that I need to do my best to keep my chin up and keep positive thoughts going. That I’ve got wonderful friends and family that support me. That this is an amazing journey that I get to take and that I really need to take advantage of this time here in Europe. This is a once in a lifetime chance and I will not let the difficulty of communication or general frustration get in my way. I will make this a home for my family for the next 2 years. And finally, I will be happy here!

Julie