Helpless

My computer saga continues.  It's all my fault which makes it worse.  Actually it's Barcelona's fault for not allowing stores to be open on a Sunday.  But in reality, it's my fault.  My computer failed to turn on at the end of June and because we couldn't find an alternative to help, I told Josh to do whatever he had to do to make it work.  I didn't double check my backup because I trusted Carbonite.

And here we are a month later and I'm still just inching forward trying to get some semblance of normalcy back to my computer's life and mine.  It makes me angry that we rely so much on these machines these days.  But it's also the lifeblood of my livelihood and without it, it's near impossible for me to work.

I spent most of this week attempting to get things at least organized, remove duplicates and pray that I could get my email back up and running again.  A week later I still have a mailbox that keeps on magically reappearing no matter how many times I delete it.  I hate to say it, but it's totally affected the feel of my week and taken away part of the pleasure of being home because I feel so helpless.  And I hate that feeling.

But I'm trying to keep a positive outlook - out with the old, in with the new.  If only it wasn't 10 years of emails.  I've got all my pictures so at least that's a positive.  And I've got (I think) all my files.  And my itunes.  But it's those 10 years of emails that is painful.  It's every single project I have ever worked on since I started my company almost 11 years ago.  It's all correspondence on every single project.  It's personal items with details for our move, the kids new school and so much more.  It's emails that I saved from friends that made me smile.

The good news is those emails seem to still be on Carbonite's website.  The bad news is that the files have corrupted and so I can't import them back onto my MacBook - all I can do is drill down about 10 folders to get to the individual email and then reforward it to myself.  It would take years to go thru them all.  And while part of me wants to do just that, the other part is trying to let go (this is not easy for someone as rigid as myself) and reference those folders when I need something.

So while I feel like life is doing a one step forward and two steps back kind of deal these days where I just can't find a way to get ahead, I'm doing my best to at least look forward towards the future, even if I can't quite get there yet.  It will happen but in the meantime, all I can do is catch up on the things I've missed and organize what I have so I can start fresh.

It's a new beginning for us in a few weeks in Amsterdam and I guess my MacBook was trying to tell me to have some new beginnings with work too.  It's not the way I would have chosen to do it, but I'll just have to put on my big girl panties and go with the flow.

And now that I've said that, I've got a lot of blogging to catch up on!!

Besos,
Julie