My "Spanish" Liam

When we moved to Barcelona in January 2010, Liam was 2 years and 7 months old.  August marks the point where Liam has actually lived in Spain longer than he lived in the US (2 years and 8 months).  It feels weird to say that, especially because before we moved to Barcelona, I had never envisioned us living anywhere but the US, at least during the time that the kids' were school aged. 

Liam and Aidan the day we arrived in Barcelona - Liam aged 2 years, 7 months and Aidan aged 5 years, 7 months.

All of Liam's academic career has been in Barcelona.  He was in daycare part time in the States but had been too young for nursery school.  He spent the first 9 months of our time in Barcelona with me full time - it was great to get that extra time with just him that I normally wouldn't have had.  He started nursery in the fall of 2010 here in Barcelona.

Eventually we will move back to the States and at that point, Liam will have lived here almost 3 years longer than he lived in the US.  At that time he'll be entering 3rd grade - a long way from that nursery school kid from years before.  What will that mean to him when it comes time to move back?  Will he feel that his ties are more to Barcelona or will he feel the pull to move back to his "homeland"?

The majority of Liam's memories are here in Barcelona.  Yes, when you ask him where he is from, he knows the answer is Boston, but if you ask him where home is, the answer more often than not is Barcelona.  He looks forward to getting back to Barcelona when we go on trips.  And while Liam is an incredibly flexible, easy going kid, I have to wonder how he will really feel when we move back?  He'll be older than Aidan was when we moved here (Liam will be 8 when we move home) and I remember how hard it was for Aidan to leave all his friends and to move to a new place.

But unlike Aidan, Liam does have a base at home so it won't be completely new.  When we go home for vacation, up til this year, his memories were all photo based but he knew who people were and was never lonely for friends or family.  Last year he didn't remember our house asking me where Papa was because don't we live with him and Nana?  That was such a strange feeling for me that he didn't recognize the place we'd called home long before he was even a thought in our minds - a place that Josh and I had lived for 10 years before we moved to Barcelona.

Liam has friends in the US but the relationships are different than the ones he has forged here and they are different than the ones that Aidan has in the US.  Aidan was past the parallel play stage when we moved and had formed genuine relationships with his friends - friends that he had to leave to come here.  So when we go home on vacations, for Aidan it's a huge reunion with his closest buddies.  But to Liam it's just going on another vacation and bonus, we get to see people we know!

If you told Aidan tomorrow that it was time to move home, I think he'd be slightly sad but at the same time he'd have his bags packed and waiting by the door to move back and get back to those friends.  Liam, however, having been only 2 1/2 wasn't really at an age where he was emotionally capable of having "best friends" in the sense of the relationship - yes, he played with the same kids all the time, but I don't think he understood the concept of what a friend even was at 2 1/2.  But at 5 he's able to forge those relationships and he has done that here.  However, he has also started to do that at home when we make our annual trips.  He's now remembering his friends from year to year, something that will be important when the time comes to go back.

I think that living a "dual country life" where he has managed and maintained relationships in two countries is going to only be a benefit to him in the long run.  Because he was younger than Aidan when we moved here, he just accepted this way of life.  He knows we live here but that we also live in the States and will go back eventually.  To him, that's normal.  Trips every 6 weeks to a new country, normal as well.  He thinks going on a plane isn't a big deal and just hopes that it's a puke free voyage - he knows the difference between a long haul flight and a quick flight.  To Liam, meeting people from all over the world is no big deal - will it be weird for him to go back home where pretty much everyone is from the same town?  Or will he just adjust back to our old life like he transitioned here?

I have a friend that's from here that spent a few years in the US as a child.  And yet, while he is Spanish, he thinks of the US as more of his home than Spain.  And I have to wonder, will it be like that for Liam?  Will the grass always be greener here when we get back home?  Will he crave life in Spain and as an adult do his best to try to move back here?  Will Aidan come around and decide that he, too, likes it here better or will he be the opposite of Liam?  One American child and one Spanish child... and what will that do for their perspectives in life since both countries offer completely different lifestyles?

He is a sponge when it comes to the language, he's not resistant to it all whereas Aidan only decided that he would be willing to learn in the last academic year, a year and a half after we had moved here.  While he rarely says words in front of me, his teachers have said he speaks Spanish on the playground often with his friends and I can see him processing things people say to him in Spanish even though he'll shy away from responding.

He's also adjusted well to being a city kid... I know that has nothing to do with Barcelona in particular, that it could be any city in the world, but it's not where we live at home so to me, this is a part of his "Spanish" side.  Aside from being pretty street saavy, he's used to living in a concrete jungle.  Yes, there are trees here, yes there are parks (mostly made of dirt) but overall, we are in a city.  We have no grass in our yard, it's a tiled patio.  That's just the norm for him.  When we went home last year, Liam approached me one morning and asked me what that sound was outside... my response?  "Birds".  Yes, he has adjusted to city life.

My favorite part of "Spanish" Liam?  His adorable Spanish kisses on two cheeks.  Though he likes to tell me beforehand that he's going to do it so I'm forewarned ;)

Overall, my hope for Liam is multifold... I want him to embrace this life where he is introduced to many cultures, different ways of life and multiple languages.  To find balance between his life here and in the US.  I hope he embraces language and learns as many as he can, it can only benefit him in life and being introduced to new things at such an early age will make it easier for him to learn.  I want him to see that the world is bigger than life in just Massachusetts and yet by taking chances and choosing adventure, the world can also be a very small place.  That people come from all walks of life and to keep an open mind and not judge just because they aren't "like you".  And most of all, that he won't forget the experiences we've had here and continue to live a life full of adventures and taking chances to do new things!

My "Spanish" Liam in his Barca shirt (complete with his Boston Red Sox hat) - living in both worlds...

Besos,

Julie

The Changing Landscape

Being an expat can sometimes be compared as living life on speed.  Because this life is a "temporary" one, we find that we forge relationships in weeks and months instead of over the course of years.  Mainly because we just don't have the time to spend building friendships in a traditional sense.  You either put yourself out there or you don't and if you do, you have to understand that things are constantly changing and evolving.  Sometimes this can be a good thing (if you find certain people are particular annoying you may not be so sad to know that they are only here for a year) and like anything else it can be a bad thing (when you know your closest friends are leaving).

You either click or you don't.  If you don't, you move on.  If you do, suddenly you have a whole new group of friends that a matter of weeks ago didn't exist.  As I've said before, before we moved to Barcelona, I debated how much I wanted to put myself out there - did I want to invest myself in others since we were here for a such a temporary timeframe?  I have no regrets that I've done this.  And I assume Josh and Liam feel the same.  Aidan, well, Aidan as I mentioned in my last entry is suddenly becoming more aware of our constantly evolving lifestyle and he's not super thrilled with it, even stating that he no longer wants friends because then they can't leave.

That's not to say that I blame him.  As a matter of fact this week, it really hit me that things are changing.  We are in the thick of several very close friends (both Aidan and I) that are moving over the course of the next 6 or so weeks if they hadn't left already at the end of the school year.  And this week, even though I had the kids in camp and it was a social freebie for me to go out and about to enjoy my last bits of time with some of those friends, all I wanted to do was curl into a ball and push them away.  Because if I don't invest myself, I won't get hurt.  I know this isn't realistic, it's a defense mechanism.  Kind of like my view in the lean-to on Mount Washington - if I am hunkered down in the bottom of my sleeping bag in the far corner of the lean-to, the bear will eat the others first and stay away from me - out of sight, out of mind and in this case, first in, first out.  If I hide away, others can't hurt me by leaving.

But I can't live my life like that.  And I know I can't.  And neither can Aidan.  Our landscape here has changed over the last few years but it's changed very slowly in expat terms.  Our primary friends have stayed.  The kids have had friends at school that have left but few that they were especially close with.  I've had friends that have left but as an adult, I have other outlets in which to stay in touch... and I think because I've had one friend here and there leave, the impact hasn't been so bad.  But now, now suddenly everything is changing.  Now it is a big chunk of our core group of friends that are going.  


I knew before we decided to extend for our second time that this was going to happen.  My friends already had their departure dates.  And yet, I made the decision (of course along with Josh) that I was ok to stay despite this.  I think it's because I started here with nothing.  And I survived.  And I will continue to survive and thrive because now I have a base here and while it is ever evolving, I'm not starting over again.  It doesn't mean that it won't be difficult because it will be.  And I expect to have some rough patches ahead, but in the long run, I know we will be fine and we will learn from the experiences.  It will make us more flexible; it will teach us the value of friendship no matter where they have come from or where they are going.  It will also teach us to go outside our comfort zone to make friends in other ways...


As I've mentioned in previous blog entries, Aidan and I are both losing some of our closest friends here.  We'll remain friends with them for sure, but they will no longer be a part of our daily lives unfortunately.  And what we have to do is to learn to adjust to this constant change that is a part of this lifestyle.  One way for us to do that is to make friends that are more local - this means kids and parents at the school and outside of school.  The challenge with that is finding friends that speak at least a little English so that between our Spanish and English we can get our points across; I don't think either of us really care if the English is fluent, it really doesn't matter as long as we can find ways between both languages to understand each other.  Both Aidan and I are making progress there and I'm so glad we have because we've met some really wonderful people that have made an impact in our lives.  


I also think that this evolution of our lives here presents us with a challenge in a way.  Not so much a challenge on how to make more friends.  I think that will happen in an organic way when we are least expecting it.  But now we have to challenge ourselves to accept change and to try to embrace it.  And to still allow ourselves to open up to the world despite the risks when they have to leave.  To look at the positives of change and that while we might not like it, it can be a good, healthy thing in the long run.  Life is full of change and we can let the change bring us down or we can look at it as a way to improve our lives, to make them fuller, to meet more people, to experience new things and to truly live this life here in Barcelona to it's full extent.  And so I say to Aidan - let's put ourselves out there, let's be happy, yes, things are going to change but they will change no matter where we live, so let's just live for today and enjoy what life brings to us.


Besos,
Julie

Reaching for the Moon

As a child, we shoot for the moon and stars.  Nothing can stop us.  No one can tell us no.  We're stubborn and determined and don't understand that it's not always possible to have it all.  However, as adults, we become wiser.  We shoot for only the moon and are pleased when we not only get that but the stars too.  What's happened is we've learned to adjust our expectations based on previous experiences, many of which were formulated during childhood.

In my life, I've looked at relationships as a give/take where I expect the moon and often get maybe the clouds.  Other times you get the sun and stars and more.  But unfortunately, I think it's the times of disappointment that shape our future expectations.

I originally planned on writing this blog while in the US to see how everything fared with what I had hoped and expected.  But now after 2 1/2 weeks back in Spain and realizing that my life is one of dual continents and where the one here has a constantly changing landscape, I actually think the timing is better now.

As I mentioned before, I think a lot of who we are and how we form relationships happens as a result of our childhood.  When I was home with the kids, I spent a lot of time observing their interaction with their friends and with adults.  Liam is the more easy going of the two, so let's focus on Aidan.  Aidan is all about being with his friends when we are home.  Hey, who can blame him?  Who wants to spend time with family if you can be with kids your own age?  I remember what it's like to be a kid and having to spend the obligatory time with family when I just wanted to run around the neighborhood.  However, that being said, I also understand and appreciate the value of quality time with family and I want my boys to learn that as well.  While I can't force them to enjoy every moment, I can teach them to appreciate the time they spend with them.  And to love them for who they are no matter what they can offer in terms of emotional or physical (presence) support.

Everyone builds relationships differently.  Josh has always said that I set my sights too high and therefore am disappointed in the end.  Not everyone can give in the ways that I can and vice versa - I can't always give to others in the way that they want or need.  I actually had a conversation with a friend about this yesterday - people give differently - some through words, some through physical action, and so on and so on.  So maybe I've been setting these expectations with people and thinking they will give in one way when in fact, that's not the way they are wired to give.

But what I've recognized is that sadly, people will always let you down and while there are plenty that don't let you down, it's those that do that you remember and that you then shield yourself from when building future relationships.  However, I think most days, I don't really pay that much attention to my expectations of others.  I know what I can and can't expect (for the most part) of my core group of friends and family - what they are capable and not capable of giving and what I am able to give back to them emotionally, etc.  It's not til it affects others that I open my eyes a bit more and recognize that sometimes these can be tough lessons learned.

Let me get back to Aidan again because let's face it, while I've had my share of highlights and disappointments, this really comes down to the lessons we are learning while living abroad.  And while living here has certainly enhanced my ability to cull out those who will let me down versus those who support me as well as setting my bar accordingly, Aidan is the one who's been learning this lesson the most.  And it's not just about people letting you down - expectations are not just about that.  I think it's also about what you expect of life.

While I'm certainly not going to call anyone particular out, I would never do that, Aidan had a few issues at home.  He had his eyes set on the moon and stars when it came to being with some people and unfortunately those people weren't capable of giving him the moon and stars, and it wasn't because they don't love him or want to hurt him.  I don't think this is the case at all, but Aidan doesn't see it this way. And to me there is nothing worse than seeing your child's heart breaking.  And hearing them sobbing (not just crying) in the car only adds to the sadness... at age 8, Aidan is having to learn that not everyone is going to meet his standards.  It's a tough lesson to learn at age 8.

And because he's getting this he's now starting to set boundaries.  Because not only did he feel let down at home, but now he's back in Barcelona and people are leaving.  Now I know that this is a bit different than setting expectations, his friends can't control how long they stay here.  But I think in a way this goes hand in hand.  He has these expectations of a lasting friendship and then the kids leave.  Yes, I know they can and will still be his friends but remember, Aidan is 8, he works in the NOW, not in the future.  He can't focus on the fact that we'll go visit some of these friends next year.  He can only focus on the "betrayal" of them leaving right now.  And he has already said he doesn't want to have any friends this year.  He's setting up defense mechanisms because he's been let down.  Kind of like we do when people can't meet our expectations.  See what I mean by hand in hand?

All I can do at this point is to encourage Aidan to continue to put himself out there.  He has met a local kid recently through summer camp and they have a playdate tonight.  He wasn't sure about going but I told him this is important, that he has to have friends and that this friend, for the moment, isn't going anywhere.  He needs to learn about diversifying your base - again, sad at age 8 that he has to learn to protect himself but he does.  And as far as at home, he's already learned that next year he needs to lower his expectations and maybe those people will actually rise to the occasion but if they don't he won't be any worse for the wear.

In the end, I think it's good to reach for the moon - we all should put ourselves out there because we might be pleasantly surprised.  But recognize that sometimes all you'll get is swiss cheese...

Besos,
Julie

Finding Balance

At home in the US, I worked a lot.  When we first moved to Barcelona I did my best to keep up with that same work schedule but alas over time, things have changed.  While I have fewer friends in Barcelona, I find that my social life during the work week is much different than it was at home.  At home, the majority of my friends work and so during the work day, well, I worked... or I would run errands.  We all would live to work, not work to live.  Rarely would I go out for lunch with friends.  Rarely would I spend the day shopping (beyond errands).  Then I would pick up the kids at their schools, spend some time with them, get dinner ready, put them to bed and do some more work.

Since living in Barcelona, I have found that my work week has changed for various reasons.  The first is that I'm now 6 hours ahead.  This has been great because I can take my time in the mornings - go to the gym, go to the grocery store and maybe even the start of a lunch with a friend, all before my clients even come online.  However, the problem with this is that by the time I get home from said lunch, it's close to 4 my time (10AM at home).  Still early in the work day by US standards (by who's clock I run my business), but I'm tired.  I'm at my best early in the morning.  And so a lot of my work has been going to the wayside.  It's not the way I want to run my business and it's time that I make some changes.

When we first moved here I had better focus.  Liam was home with me full time and so my social life was a bit limited.  And I actually made the time to get work done.  It was hard because I only had a few hours a day where he would nap and I could get my work, calls to home and other things done...but I would get work done while he self entertained and I was more likely to stay home when he was with me, especially during the cold rainy winter.  And despite not getting out as much as I would have liked, I loved every moment of him being home with me - it's time I'll never have with him again now that he is in school full time.

But that fall, he went to school and for the first time in 6 years, I was free during the day, totally free.  The kids leave for school at 7:30 and get home at 5.  Suddenly I had all this time where I should have been working but instead, I was socializing.  The majority of my friends here don't work - a change from home.  Yes, I took Spanish classes too, but I didn't do that right off the bat.  Instead I embraced my freedom and spent a good chunk of my days out with friends.  And once again, my work took a backseat.

I've always been ambitious and for me to slack on work is not my normal way of doing things and it bothers me.  But at the same time, I want to enjoy my days here while I can.  So I'm torn.  How do I find my work/social/family balance?  Because now I socialize during the day and when the kids get home from school, I start doing my work and so the kids aren't getting what they need either.  Then they go to bed and I'm too tired from the day to get more work done.

So why care about this now after over 2 1/2 years?  Well, first of all, the new school year starts in a matter of weeks, a time that I look at as my New Years and so therefore feel the need to start things fresh.  And the second reason is that a number of my friends are leaving this summer/fall changing the dynamic of my everyday life.  With these two events colliding in the next few weeks, I've realized that it's time that I change my focus here.  And that I find a way to incorporate a better work/social/family balance.  It's something that I think is especially difficult for women who are always trying to manage work/life/home/social - and something always has to give.

For me, right now, I think that something has to be the social side of things.  Now don't get me wrong, I don't plan to become a hermit.  But I've got to learn to stop saying yes all the time and set limits with myself as to what a reasonable social life is.  Instead of 4 days a week perhaps I go out 2... And I know that will change week to week depending on what my work week looks like and the beauty of self employment is about the flexibility.  In the end though, I need to think before I act and make decisions based on a business owner and not as a social butterfly.

I've become lazy with my work.  I know my income is not essential to our survival and I've let that knowledge make me lazy.  I need to inspire and motivate myself to not just get back into work but to try to make something of this company.  Years ago my sales were through the roof and it felt so good - this year, I'm barely at 50% of what I did last year which wasn't so great to begin with.  It's not who I am and it's not who I want to be, nor is it the way I want to run my business.

I miss the rush that I get when I make a sale.  I miss the desire to beat my previous month's or year's sales.  I miss the full plate of projects that need to get done NOW.  I have no doubt I've lost clients because of my laziness and I don't blame them.  All I can do at this point is make changes to prevent this from happening again, regaining the focus I had when I first started out and we needed my salary to help pay the bills.  That urgency to get the next sale.

But it's not just about work but about my family.  Because I'm socializing so much, I'm saving work for later in the day when the kids get home and therefore, I find myself frazzled and trying to do too much at once.  Yes, I work best when I have a full plate of things that need to get done.  But I also need to work on my time management skills - getting things done earlier in the day so that when the kids come home I actually have the time that I can set aside to focus on them.  It's 2 hours out of my entire day, I can commit to giving that fully to them and I need to do that for them.

I never thought I would become so complacent and so comfortable in a lifestyle that doesn't fit my normal life.  But I have.  It feels good to a degree - not feeling the pressure of life in the US, keeping up with the Jones', feeling the constant need to get things accomplished or checked off my list.  It doesn't mean that I don't get things done, but I'm not longer achieving them with the passion that I used to do them in.  And it's affecting how I feel about myself.  Sadly I actually feel my best when Josh goes away because suddenly my plate is full of things that we normally split (that doesn't mean you shouldn't still do them Josh!) and I find that my day is so much more productive than when he's here and helping me.  So I need to take that feeling and apply that to my work instead.  It's going to take time to find this balance, I have no doubt...and to learn to set limits with myself but if I want to succeed in life and as a parent I know it's the changes that need to be made for the time being.

Besos,
Julie

Spectacular Super Mario!!

When we were considering moving to a new apartment, we talked it over with the boys.  Aidan was absolutely dead set against a move.  He even went as far as putting "move" and "stay" in a hat (of course he loaded the hat with "stays" therefore narrowing our chances of a move to slim to none.  We tried all sorts of ways to try to convince him that this move was a good thing - he'd have his own bedroom, he'd have a huge patio (bigger than we had before), he'd be at least 5 minutes closer to school (when you walk 1.5 miles from school on days you don't take the bus, 5 minutes makes a difference!), he'd have a huge playroom...and so on.

But it took my friend Cristy to make the game winning move.  Aidan has been long obsessed with Super Mario.  He's been playing any and all versions of the game since he got his first DS at age 4.  Cristy knew this and used it to our advantage.  She sent me this picture: 

And an idea was born!  How cool would a Super Mario room be for Aidan?  I showed Aidan the picture and he was suddenly totally on board with the move!  I found the stickers for the "New Super Mario" on Amazon (he decided he didn't want the old ones like in the picture).  We arranged to have his room painted a blue to be like the sky and looked forward to the final version.

However, I'm not super creative with stuff like this so I needed Cristy's amazing creativity to make this project happen.  She left for the States the week we moved and got back while we were there so our first opportunity to put everything together only happened this week.  But it was so worth the wait!  What do you think????

Of course, I also took video of Aidan when he saw the room for the first time.  He was beyond stunned at how amazing it looked and was pretty much speechless.  Oh I should also mention we (I mean Cristy) did Liam's room too, Lego Ninjago style.  But the stickers are a lot smaller and while the room is cute, it's just not as cool as this one.  He was super happy with his room too though but unfortunately I am having problems with the video upload... maybe later!

All in all, it's perfect, exactly what Aidan wanted and a great start to our next 3 years in this apartment!

Besos,

Julie

Heading Back "Home"

Two and a half weeks flew by.  Josh is always telling me that the kids and I should go to the US for a month and just rent a house.  I don't know why we haven't done it.  Maybe next year.  Though with a month, imagine my spending Josh!!!  He may regret making that suggestions!!

Regardless, eventually the time came to say our final goodbyes and get on the plane back to Barcelona.  I can't say that I wasn't excited to be coming home because I was.  After 2 1/2 weeks of living out of a suitcase where we often went days at a time switching beds on a nightly basis, it gets old and you just want some routine and your own bed. 

So we packed up our 4 suitecases ready to hit the road.  But wait, one of these weighs 60 lbs!  How is that possible?  Did I really add 10 lbs more stuff in it since I had last weighed it a few days before?  I weighed it again and so did my dad...yup, apparently I did.  So the option was to give up 10 lbs of precious American goodies or to go buy another bag at Target.  I opted for the latter.  But for only 10 lbs of overage, was it worth paying the extra money for a suitcase and the $50 for the extra bag?  No, it's not.  So I "had" to fill it.  While I Target I picked up just a "few" more things ;)  After all, I might as well make the most of my money.  In the end we had 5 - 50 lbs suitcases ready to go!!!

But given our experience getting to Boston, I was definitely a bit apprehensive about flying with Liam.  I packed a lot of diaper wipes for cleansing, a change of clothes and of course, puke bags.  What I also packed was benadryl.  Now I have no doubt that I'm going to get some feedback opinions on this one.  I've never ever given my kids meds before flying.  They are excellent fliers.  Never have I had an issue with either of them.  I always hear parents joking about giving their kids benadryl so they will sleep on the flight and honestly, was slightly mortified.  But then, don't judge lest you be judged.  And so given our flight over, I decided to make the leap and give Liam some benadryl, not just so my flight could be more peaceful, but more so because I didn't want him to go through what he went through again.  I have no doubt he was absolutely miserable on the flight over and I wanted to spare him that. 

About 20 minutes before the flight I gave him a little cup of the benadryl and didn't think much of it.  But let me first set the scene for the rest of the story.  When we got on the plane, there was a rather "large" (I use this term loosely, she was at least 350 lbs) woman already in our row.  We were in the middle row of a large airbus (the kind with an upstairs area) so there were 4 seats in our row and only 3 of us.  I know Aidan likes the aisle and so I put Liam between myself and this woman.  Before I've even put our bags under the seats, the woman in front of Liam (she was maybe my age or younger) turns around to me and says "please keep an eye on little feet kicking my seat during the flight".  I'm sorry, but WTF???  You don't know me, my kid or how he flies and for god's sake, we haven't even sat down, he hasn't even had the chance to kick your sorry ass seat!!  Now for those that know me well know that I'm not the confrontational type nor am I good on the fly.  But I have to admit, I found my courage and my voice on this one.  My response to her "actually he's a great flier and flies almost monthly so you don't have to worry about him kicking your seat...however, you may want to watch out for the vomit".  She looked a bit mortified and hey, I don't blame her.  She eventually moved over to the aisle seat next to her that was free, probably fearful for her life after that.  The woman next to Liam asked if Aidan should sit there instead.  Now given that she was already half in Liam's seat there was no way that I could ask Aidan to sit there, he would have been squished.  Don't get me wrong, I'm not picking on overweight people - this is just a fact.  She was half in Liam's seat.  Aidan would not have fit there.  So I told her he's not aware when he's going to throw up and will just use a bag and look away.

Ok, so back to the benadryl.  Liam was asleep less than 5 minutes after the flight began.  Never ever has this happened.  So then I got all worried that I gave him too much.  I could see his pulse going near his throat and just focused on that.  What was I thinking????  However, he did sleep peacefully for 4 1/2 of the 5 1/2 hour flight even when his next door neighbor shoved her elbow in his face (because again she was half in his seat with the armrest up) without even being aware, he just stirred and went back to sleep.  Aidan also took some and was out about an hour into the flight until just about landing. 

Aidan was awake for his meal though and since we ate in the airport before boarding, he just ate his dessert (which was fine with me...this is a kid who asked for a salad for dinner just about every night of the trip).  While both kids were sleeping, the woman next to Liam actually asked if Liam was going to eat (I turned away his meal when the stewardess came by) to which I told her he ate in the airport and was fine sleeping.  She then asked me if Aidan was going to eat his dessert.  Seriously?????  Again, not picking on anyone, but big or small, do you really ask a stranger if you can have their dessert?  That's a bit forward for me.  But regardless, he ate his so I had to tell her no. 

We made it to London unscathed which was great...other than me not sleeping because I was paranoid watching Liam's pulse.  Again, no more benadryl!!!  We grabbed some breakfast in the airport and wandered around for a little bit.  Aidan saw a Starbucks and asked for a coffee frappuchino.  I didn't think much of it.  He drinks them every now and again and loves coffee.  So given how great he was on the flight, I said yes.  BAD IDEA!!!!!   Talk about WIDE AWAKE.  OMG...the child barely said two words to me in 2 1/2 weeks suddenly had SOOOOO MUCH TO SAY as I tried in vain to sleep on the 2nd leg of our flight.  He talked non stop.  It's all my fault and I know it.  But I begged him over and over again to just stop and let me sleep.  Lessons learned.  No more benadryl and no coffee!!!!!!

Regardless, it was an overall uneventful flight which is exactly how I like them.  We made it back to Barcelona in one piece with our 5 - 50 lb suitcases.  It wasn't til we got to our door that I realized that perhaps I'd gone overboard with the shopping.  With several flights of stairs with awkward 50 lb bags, I was drenched in sweat by the time I got them all upstairs.  Another lesson learned... perhaps less shopping is in order.  That and it took me several hours to unpack everything.  It was worth it though for all my American goodness!!!!!

That night I was in bed by 9 and slept the best I had in weeks.  It felt good to be back home and in my own bed.  I was up at the crack of dawn to hit the gym by 6:45 and it felt even better to get back into my routines.  I miss "home home" already but it feels good to be back in Barcelona.  Til next year Boston!!!

Besos,
Julie

Mellow Days with Nana and Papa

I probably should have posted this post before my sad goodbyes one but since I've got about 20 drafts in no particular order here, I must have missed it.  Anyways, our last few days in Boston were spent with my family.  We had lunch with my brother and sister-in-law and then spent a lot of time with my mom and dad.  Sometimes I feel like my parents get gyped on these trips.  We use their house as our homebase but are hardly there.  So while we are staying with them, we don't usually get a ton of time just hanging out with them.  And while this trip wasn't much different than previous trips, I did actually schedule time with my parents into our calendar.  Anal, I know... but necessary because if I saw empty spots on the calendar I would have filled them in with something!!

What I love most about being with my family is their ability to mellow me.  I'm high strung by nature but something about being with my mom and dad enables me to slow down and with the intensity of this visit, it was something that I sorely needed...and I think the kids as well. 

The kids played outside with my mom and dad, throwing the ball around or just sitting on the wall chatting away.  My mom and I took some time to ourselves, getting pedicures and doing a little shopping, really some of our only one on one time.  We went to the spa earlier in our trip but our sessions weren't in the same room so we didn't get to hang out.  The great thing is that I get to talk to her on the phone multiple times a week when I'm here in Spain and she's incredibly understanding about the pressure we are under to see so many people while we are home.  But as always, I wish that meant more time with them as well.

As I mentioned, one of the things that is important to me is my parents' ability to help bring us down a bit when things get intense.  This is especially important with Aidan who goes through a lot of emotions during the time we are home.  He and my mom have a great bond together and I know that this low key time with her is very important to him (and to her).  They draw a lot and chat and it's something I know he looks forward to every year with her.  In the meantime, they'll draw and email each other pictures during the year. 

So while I have no pictures to reflect this time spent together, it was important time nonetheless and time that I'm so glad that we made sure we had, which of course, is never enough.  As I say each time, there is always next year!!! 

Besos,
Julie

Sad Goodbyes

The worst part about going home to visit is having to leave.  Saying goodbye to everyone breaks my heart into pieces all over again - it's like leaving for the first time.  And for Aidan (less so for Liam), I think it's even worse.  For myself and Josh, we are able to communite throughout the year with our friends and family - skype, facebook, phone and email are amazing inventions that I don't think I could have survived this journey without. 

But for Aidan, he's limited.  Yes, he has access to all of these things.  But he has less interest.  He wants to play with his friends not look at them on the computer.  He wants spontaneous conversation.  And since he's not of an age where he is really emailing, he's not keeping in great touch with his friends.  Thankfully his friends' parents and I keep in touch for all them and keep their relationships alive throughout the year - but I actually think the kids are just close enough that they don't really need us reminding them, they just are who they are, best friends.  And every year when we leave I tell him that we need to be better about communicating.  Hopefully this year will be the year.  He's 8, he's reading and writing, and he knows that we can call people up any time.

However, that doesn't diminish the hurt in saying goodbye to friends and family for both of us.  While we had to say goodbye to everyone we saw of course, the ones that impacted Aidan the most were our family and his friends from the neighborhood.  Our first goodbyes were on the Cape where Aidan had to say goodbye to his Granny and Papa.   We tried to keep it quick and easy with hugs and kisses.  But when we got into the car Aidan asked me if it was now ok to cry.  OMG, break my heart kid!!  Of course it's ok to cry!  And why does he think he has to be so strong and not cry?? 

From the Cape we went up to Attleboro to do our goodbyes in the neighborhood.  I knew this would be pretty gut wrenching and I was right.  We brought cupcakes from our favorite Cupcake Charlies as we heard little Aaron had broken his elbow the previous night.  We tried to keep things festive and Nate and Aidan played a bit of football outside while Liam and Aaron hung out on the swings.  Once again Aidan and Linz seemed to be playing a bit of a flirting game where neither would acknowledge each other but yet they'd give each other these sly little smiles...hmmmm.... Eventually we knew we'd have to make the move since we had to head back to my parents' for dinner - Aidan was crying in the car and Nate was crying on the sidewalk.  I wish there was a way to make this easier!!!!! 

Aidan and Liam signing Aaron's cast

Yum, cupcakes!!!

One last playdate

Ashley ate about 2 bites of this cupcake... kid doesn't know what she;s missing!!

Not the same with Linz...mint, yum!

Ashley, Aaron, Liam and Lindsey

Aidan being tough...you think you are taking me back to Spain??  Really???

Playing a little football with Nate

So cute!

Starting our goodbyes... must take pictures with everyone!!  Liam and Aaron

Liam and Ashley...tried to convince Liam to kiss her but no luck :0

Nate and Aidan... big hugs!!!

And perhaps even a lift!

Lindsey refuses to participate and the boys are laughing about it

Nate breaks the tension

Aidan being goofy and making Lindsey laugh

Thank goodness for Nate!

A big group goofy pic

Lindsey refused to sit next to Aidan...

He's such the charmer... love this kid... wait, love both these kids...

Max, Andrew and Ben came over to say goodbye too!

Our final big goodbyes was with my parents.  We spent our final day with them and they took us to the airport.  My dad usually drops us at the curb and we grab our bags, give a quick kiss and off we go.  It's quick and easy with no time for emotions til later.  But this year they joined us in the airport until we got to security.  It was good and bad. I loved that they stayed with us and helped us navigate the airport.  But it also meant the goodbye was longer and more emotional.  As soon as I turned my back to go through security I could feel the tears prickling behind my eyes and tried to keep them hidden from Aidan - yes, I want him to know I'm emotional about leaving too, but I already knew he was having a tough time and wanted to focus on him. 

The boys with my mom

At the airport checking in...

The kids slept on the plane and when we got back to Barcelona we talked about all the wonderful memories we made on this trip which was made so special by everyone we saw.  Every goodbye was hard but I hope everyone remembers that it's not goodbye forever but just for a little bit.  I hope everyone knows how much it meant to all of us to see you and that we loved all of the time you spent with us!!  You make us feel so loved and cherished!!!   I'm already starting to look for flights for next year!!

Besos,
Julie

Lunch with Katie & Jay

We got back to Barcelona yesterday and I'm happy to say it was a puke free trip.  But it's a long trip and I just didn't have the energy to update any blog entries and I'm still behind from our visit!!  Before we left we had a chance to have lunch with my brother, Jay and my sister-in-law, Katie.  We had lunch at Town Spa which is a childhood (ok and adult) favorite of mine.  Oh and the kids like it too ;)

My dad met up with us at the Spa and we had a great lunch with Jay and Katie.  Unfortunately we weren't able to make our schedules match up very well during our visit and this was the only time the kids got with Jay and Katie.  We were all most definitely disappointed it couldn't be more but we hope they'll come visit us in Barcelona now that we have more space here!! 

Uncle Jay, Liam and Auntie Katie

Aidan adores his Aunt and Uncle... he was so sad to leave them so soon!!

Besos,

Julie

Escape to the Cape

Josh had taken the kids to visit his parents during his 2 1/2 day overlap with us.  But given the boys only get to see their grandparents and aunt and uncle 2 weeks out of the year, I felt it was important that we make a second trip down to visit them. 

Since they all really wanted to spend time with Aidan and Liam, I made plans with Michelle to once again set off on a little mini adventure.  So while the kids and I headed down on the 5th, Michelle met up with me on the 6th ready to hit Provincetown at the tip of the Cape. 

On Thursday we had a mellow day with my in-laws.  The kids played ball in the backyard and that evening Becky came over to bbq with us.  There is nothing like burgers and potato salad on a beautiful summer night that makes me feel so happily American.

Aidan looked so cute today I just had to take a picture

Chillin' on a lounge

Silly time with Papa and snuggle time with Granny

He could be a model... just sayin'

With no grass nearby us or soft flooring in Barcelona, the boys take an opportunity for some much needed wrestling! 

Ok, they could really both be models :)

While visiting with Granny and Papa the boys also did a whale watch (and were joined by Aunt Ellen) where they saw at least 20 whales, some dolphins and even a huge jellyfish!  I don't have any pictures since I wasn't with them but I heard that everyone had a blast and the kids were constantly running from one side of the boat to the other to check out the whales!

Since Josh's parents had the boys, as I mentioned, Michelle and I decided to embark on one of our adventures.  This time to P-Town.  For those that don't know P-town, it's a small beach community at the very tip of Cape Cod and is well known as a gay vacation destination.  Given both Michelle and I have lots of gay friends, none of this is an issue to us (and why should it be??) - but again, if you've never been to P-town, you don't know what it's like - because the people watching is half the fun. 

Our original intent was to go to lunch along the water and then take a nice long walk along the beach, perhaps having dinner in town or driving back to Mashpee for dinner.  We walked and walked - we had eaten at Pepe's before and wanted to try something different.  Seeing signs for the East End (I think it was East...either that or we were in the East end heading west...regardless, it was an area neither of us was familiar with), we headed in that direction figuring it might be less touristy.  While it was less touristy, it was also had a lot less commercial areas, including restaurants.  Finally when we were about to give up we came across a little restaurant along the water.  We had lunch at a great Italian/American place that made the best fried chicken I've had in ages.  I really must stop the bleeding when it comes to how crappy I've eaten this trip (and it's showing) - thank god we go back to Barcelona soon and can go back to our "normal" eating habits. 

I love hydrangeas

Walking along Commercial Street

More Commercial Street

Our intent after lunch was to walk along the beach, but we ended up at a bar (shocker)... where we had drinks right above the water.  It was beyond a gorgeous day and you couldn't help but just chill out and enjoy the sights around us.  Everyone in P-town is friendly and we struck up conversation with a couple next to us.  Nice older guys (guessing in their late 50s early 60s), they were in town on vacation for the week and live in NYC.  Eventually they left on their little boat and we continued on with our drinking...

View from the bar...

Michelle

Me :)

My drink overlooking the water... really does it get much better?

As we were finishing our drinks we saw waving from the water.  It was the men from the bar.  We were still trying to decide if they were a couple or not.  Because why would two 60 year old straight men vacation in P-town??  They wouldn't.  But why would they flag us down to go out on their boat???  Not sure but they seemed innocent enough and while I did ask Michelle if perhaps she thought they could be axe murderers (ah back to my American paranoid persona), we decided to take a chance and go out on the boat.  We figured they were old and weak and we could take them down if necessary.  Rational?  Probably not... but hey, sometimes you have to just go with the flow.

Now boat is really a loose term.  Because I think Josh's 13' Whaler that he had as a teen was likely in better condition than this junker.  But we took a quick little jaunt around the harbor on what was a gorgeous day and figured that would be it.  And it was.  They invited us out to dinner if we were in town later and dropped us off at the dock.  Easy peasy.  And we were still trying to figure out if they were a couple or not.  Again, you have to know P-town or you wouldn't be wondering why we were trying to figure this out.  And honestly we couldn't have cared less either way but the curiousity was killing us!!

Cute sailboat in the harbor

Commerants

Awww, someone dropped off my boat for me...how sweet!!!

While you couldn't pay me to ride on one, I love to look at sailboats...

Sky looked really cool

So after we were dropped off, Michelle and I did some shopping and decided to just see where the day took us.  It took us shopping and drinking.  Both fun.  After some shopping we ended up at the Monkey Bar which was just awesome.  The men were not only stunningly gorgeous, but super friendly.  Eventually we decided to see if those guys would show up for dinner...and they did!  It was a fun dinner and full of laughs.  We still weren't sure if they were a couple by the end of dinner but no matter, we had a great time regardless.  We parted ways, thanked them for dinner and headed back to Mashpee.  I love impromtu days and nights like that and meeting friendly, interesting people. 

However, on the ride back to Mashpee, I was suddenly struck with a not so great feeling.  As Michelle continued to talk my ear off (as she tends to do after a few drinks... but hey, aren't most of us a little more chatty then?), all I could focus on was my need to get back to Mashpee and to try to do it without vomiting.  Liam rubbing off perhaps?  Nope, I think it was the oysters.  I finally had to pull over with about 15 minutes left in our drive for fear that I was going to puke as I drove.  I walked around a bit and managed to get us back (where I then proceeded to be great friends with the toilet - TMI I'm sure).  However, chatty cathy seemed to think we should still chat in bed and while I laid there in the fetal position praying I wouldn't throw up any more, she chatted my ear off.  And I know she'll read this entry and laugh and she knows that I'm laughing about it too.  All in a day of adventure of Julie and Michelle!

Besos,

Julie